The Twisted Pigeon

Bluevine Collective

2012-02-22T08:42:00.000-08:00

And today marks my first post as part of the Bluevine Collective...here's a link. I hope you subscribe and enjoy inspiration and thought-provocation from some awesome writers who have, by some incredible oversight, allowed me to sneak into the party.

Listening

2012-02-22T05:51:00.000-08:00

This year for Lent I'm giving up talking in exchange for listening. When I hear something good, I'll share it.

Here's a blog post by a yoga teacher doing an "Off the Mat Into the World" project in Haiti. I've been drawn to these stories lately because although I do a lot of traveling, I'm not sure I do a lot of connecting.

When I travel, I don't do it by tour bus and I don't want to go through life by tour bus either.

Who Really Died and Who Really Cares

2012-02-14T09:02:00.000-08:00

I've seen a lot of backlash in the last two days about the intense media coverage of Whitney Houston's death and funeral. My friends in the military are ticked because there's no individual coverage of all the soldiers dying in wars - and that seems way more important. Others are upset because there's no coverage of the 2,000 people that died of AIDS today (and the 2,000 that died yesterday and the 2,000 that will die tomorrow) or the one in five children who will starve to death today.

I totally understand this outrage. I am getting on this bus with you. However, I have some reasoning and then an inflammatory statement (gasp) to make before I get on the bus.

1. Reasoning:
I had to ask myself why people are giving so much attention to someone they've never met. Here's what I think:

She is Us
I think as individuals we look at someone like Whitney Houston who is so beautiful and game-changingly talented and we want what she has. There's nothing wrong with that. She was Beautiful and Special with capital letters and our desire to be that way is evolutionary and divine.

Also, for those sympathetic or empathetic to her struggles, we wanted her to win. We wanted her to leave Bobby, move Abuse Awareness forward, get sober, leave all that nonsense behind and go back to being a fairy princess. We wanted a heroine. It would seem that she did not win, so we are trying to make sense of what that means for the struggles of mere mortals.

If we are sad at her passing and we didn't know her, we are sad at the passing of the image of what we wanted to be in our secret hearts. In other words, we maybe lost a little of a ourselves and the media coverage we intake is a part of our mourning.

We Created the Monster
And, the media gives it to us because as a society that's what we've trained them them to do.

I think we need to figure out what qualities we're fascinated with in celebrities then develop those within ourselves. Instead of watching them get what we want, we need to go get what we want. Then, we can be entertained by them without being obsessed about them.

2. Inflamatory Statement - with Love

If you're one of those people who are ticked off about celebrity media coverage, stop consuming it. Stop reading Huffington Post stories about their failures and embarrassing incidents. Stop monitoring Christina Aguilara's weight and the status of her monthly cycle. Just. Stop. Clicking.

Stop Creating Demand
If there is a story about something that should be private and you wouldn't want it known about yourself - do not read it. Respect people's privacy the way you want yours respected.

Now, ask yourself what you're actually doing about the problems you're concerned with and how you are celebrating the real heroes and how you are bringing attention to the real stories in the world we are creating together. Are you just watching or are you creating?

The media is not the problem and they are not the solution. We are.

The Best Book EVER.

2012-02-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

This is, without a doubt, the most inspiring, clarifying, galvanizing book I've ever read. In 24 hours it totally changed how I look at my life, how I make decisions, how I prioritize what's important, how I get my groove back and how the credits are going to look when they roll for me.

I hope you'll read it.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

"Full of beautiful, heart-wrenching, and hilarious stories, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years details one man's opportunity to edit his life into a better story.Years after writing a best-selling memoir, Donald Miller went into a funk and spent months sleeping in and avoiding his publisher. One story had ended, and Don was unsure how to start another.But he gets rescued by two movie producers who want to make a movie based on his memoir. When they start fictionalizing Don's life for film-changing a meandering memoir into a structured narrative-the real-life Don starts a journey to edit his actual life into a better story. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years details that journey and challenges readers to reconsider what they strive for in life. It shows how to get a second chance at life the first time around."

Re-wire Your Brain to be Happy

2012-02-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

This 12-minute video is a fascinating revelation of a study some smartypants people did on happiness.

You should watch it, it's funny, but what they found was that we have the happiness formula backwards. Most of us think:

If I work harder, I'll be more successful. When I'm more successful, I'll be happier.

That isn't how the brain works. The speaker says that if happiness is on the other side of success then the brain never gets there because happiness becomes a moving target.

The good news is, they found that you can re-wire your brain to be happy in just 21 days. Here's what you have to do every day:

3 Gratitudes - write down three new gratitudes every day
Journal - write down at least one positive experience you had that day
Exercise
Meditation - gets ride of the cultural ADHD
Acts of Kindness - random or otherwise, one a day

I love social experiments - this one sounds like it certainly can't do any harm.

Thug Angel

2012-02-02T06:52:00.000-08:00

Last week I had a night's layover in Miami on the way to somewheres else so I snagged a cab and went for a walk on Ocean Boulevard in South Beach, which is mighty fancy.

I was still in my fleece, jeans and Keens with socks because I do not warm up until mid-July. People slinking around South Beach are so pretty and so obviously loaded that I could not get a cab back to my hotel on account of nobody wants to pick up Fargo when they can pick up Carmen Electra.

Suddenly, a gentleman I would have classified as Thug were I a judger, marches into the road and gets me a cab. I think the cabbie stopped because he thought he was about to get shot. Regardless, I said thanks, he said something nice, and I was on my way.

There was nothing in it for him, he was just being nice. Why is that so surprising?

We have to be better to each other. Thanks for reminding me, sir.

There's No Stupid in Yoga

2012-01-30T10:44:00.000-08:00

I had this conversation on vacation last week. You can decide if you think I'm crazy. Or wrong. I might be.

Person: So, you're a yoga teacher? Advanced or basic?

Me: Um, just yoga. Technically and historically there's no separation.

Person: So how can that work? If I come to your class and half the people are in Scorpion or Headstand and I can't do that then I'm going to feel really stupid.

Me: Well, if you're on your mat feeling really stupid because you can't do something then you are no longer practicing yoga. You're just exercising. That's a different kind of class. You should go to Pilates.

Person: Okay, but if I'm an advanced student and I come to your class and you don't do Headstand and stuff, I'm going to get bored.

Me: (Waving arms, wine sloshing out of glass) If you're bored in yoga class, then again, you're no longer doing yoga. I suspect you're missing the point. Are you from L.A.?

Person: (blank stare)

Me: Look, yoga is a value system, not an exercise program or an Olympic sport. One tiny part, technically one eighth, of the practice of yoga is the 66 poses. And in doing as many of those 66 poses as you're capable of, you're going to get physically stronger and fitter as a by product of the practice.

But the "not-doing" of a pose is a pose too. If, in those situations, you can simply observe the urge to feel less-than, and eventually resist it and find peace with yourself exactly as you are, you're going to take that strength off the mat and into the rest of your life. Which is huge. It is a game-changer. In that way, people who can't do a pose are building equal strength as people who can. THAT is the nearly inexplicable magic of yoga. THAT is why when I tell my yogis to sit out poses, I'm not babying them. I'm not feeding them mystic bull*&%#. I'm asking them to trust a proven process that balances itself in every situation if we approach it with the right mindset.

And, if you find yourself bored in class, you have a different challenge. Your challenge is to stay present in that one instant. You don't get bored of breathing because it sustains you, right? You don't get bored of your millionth downdog or forward fold for the same reason. Yoga forces you to stay in the moment, which is one of the biggest happiness and well-being boosters any of us could hope for. There's no stupid in yoga. There's no boredom in yoga. There's no advanced or basic. There is just you and trust and showing up and breathing. That's it. Anyone can do it.

Person: Huh. You need a refill?

Me: Yes please.

Shop Carefully

2012-01-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: I don't always sit around thinking deep, metaphysical thoughts. Sometimes I think about shoes. Quite a lot actually.

Everyone I know is doing something strange and they're doing it in the closet.

Once upon a time well-made, timeless clothing went out of fashion and Americans fell into a 40-year nightmare of cheap, trendy, disposable crap that we hoarded in such volume that our bloated closets and dressers groaned with the nausea of it. Then, a recession hit and lots of people couldn't afford their sickness anymore. They cleaned out their closets and sold or donated things to lower their taxable income and make a little cash. The more they unloaded, the better they felt. And, they looked better because they kept only what made them feel fabulous. They lived happily ever after.

It seems like everyone I know is embracing the minimalist closet, and it's beautiful.

That picture makes you feel happy, doesn't it?

Do it.

Here are some tips from my girlfriends, guy friends and my mom (who always had, and still has, beautiful closets)

Step one: Reduce

Go through every closet and drawer and remove anything that doesn't fit, is beyond repair or is out of style. Make four piles: Trash, Goodwill, Consignment store and Repair.
From what is left, remove everything that doesn't make you feel fabulous. Even if it was expensive. Even if it's sentimental. Even if it "just needs a little alteration". Sort into the piles.
Now, remove anything that is redundant. For example, if you have five pair of black high heels reduce what you own to two flavors, those flavors being "interview" and "party". Sort. Repeat.
Remove anything that doesn't go with anything else. Pile.

Step two: Organize & Protect

Now you're left with only things that fit, are in good shape and make you feel awesome.

Make a place for everything. If you need inspiration, Google "organized closets" and click "Images". If you need to make a trip to Ikea or Lowes, go ahead. But first, see what you've already got that you can use.
Protect what you've got. If you need padded hangers, shoe trees, flannel dust bags for handbags or shoes or a box for watches or jewelry, make a list and a trip to Ikea or similar. (If you must dry clean things (ick) take things out of the plastic bags immediately.)
Add some design flair to your closet via the things you use to store things in. Look at pictures and adopt at least one purely design or art element in your closet. It will remind you that your closet is not a storage bin.

Step three: Shop. Carefully.

Make a list of how you spend your time and what kinds of clothes you need. You don't need more than one month of work outfits, one week of jeans and t-shirts and sweatshirts, one winter jacket, one dress jacket, one funeral outfit, three wedding outfits or one week of workout outfits. You don't need more than one "paint-the-house, change-the-oil, mow-the-yard" outfit. Etc.
If there are holes in the basics of your closet, shop carefully for them. Try consignment stores first and if you buy something new, buy it with the intention of taking care of it and keeping it for a very long time.
Shopping carefully means you buy higher quality stuff (where it counts) and you take time to find just the thing that helps you develop your personal style.

This exercise feels so great because you're practicing the yogic principle of aparigraha, or non-hoarding. In Feng Shui terms, you're making room for fertility and possibility. Don't be overwhelmed, like all yogic principles, it's worth the work.

Super 8

2012-01-17T14:37:00.000-08:00

I am a J.J. Abrams fan. He completes me.

Last night his new TV show debuted and as the opening music started I realized that we are on sort of a parallel, J.J. and I.

I got my yoga teaching certificate. He made Lost.
I learned to knit. He made Super 8.
I figured out why the cat was eating all her fur off. He made Alcatraz.

I posted this on Facebook, that J.J. made me feel like a slacker, and my friend Dave remarked that "perhaps I was not leveraging my multi-billion dollar production staff".

I think he was joking but in a way he has a point. Here are some things I think are true:

I'm not dreaming big enough.
I'm not leveraging (and you know I do not use that horrid word lightly) my resources to work the big stuff into bigger stuff.
Nobody starts off with a multi-billion dollar production staff. They start off with a Super 8 camera, a big dream and the help of some friends. Then they win a small award, use the money to dream even bigger and start the whole thing over again until they have the resources to make their wildest dreams come true and pay back their old friends via the perpetual use of one or more very comfortably furnished beach houses.

To belabor the point, look at that row of Harry Potter books on your shelf.

The one on the left is J.K. Rowling's first installment. It's the smallest. She had to write it at Elephant & Castle in between baby naps.

Now, look how those books grow as her resources and helpy team grew until it all culminates in a final book roughly the size of Fiat, eight Hollywood movies, a small army of personal staff and a permanent silent writing suite at The Scotsman hotel.

My friend Kaline started out on a Super 8 camera. Now he travels around filming NFL games and Super Bowls and, in his spare time, he films and produces philanthropic documentaries with big, fancy, space-age cameras. He still carries that Super 8, though.

Maybe it's a nostalgic connection to a time when it was just a boy and his camera. Maybe they don't make 'em like they used to. Or maybe starting out on a big dream is such an indescribable holy, magic time that it's a talisman used to sprinkle some of that starting-out fairy dust on his grown-up projects.

It's hard, starting out on a big dream. That's why most adults never do it more than once, if ever. But, it's also a special time that you'll never get back if you have the courage to start and hang in there. It's a time when there's no production crew to manage, no board of directors to appease, no editor up in your grill.

It's just you and your dream:

A boy and his camera.
A girl and her notebook.
A (you) and (your talisman).

Dignity

2012-01-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

I was going to quote Robert Kennedy's 1968 Indianapolis speech today but instead I'm going to quote Octavia Spencer, a (now) wealthy, famous actress who played a poor, persecuted black maid in The Help. This is from her Golden Globes acceptance speech:

"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance."
- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

And this was going to be a post about "Is the work you're doing uplifting humanity"? You can think about that if you want but there's something else there that's important.

This Christmas season so many of you who work in retail told me that people are more abusive to you than ever, which I found shocking. Then, I got to witness it for myself: adults throwing tantrums in stores or in traffic because they are so entitled to attention - to what they want, RIGHT NOW, that they've lost sight of the fact that there is another person involved who has a right to be treated with dignity and respect.

Americans think the French are rude. But, in France if you walk into a clothing store or bakery, you are entering a version of that person's home and you behave as a guest, not an entitled brat. French waiters have a reputation for being rude. However, being a waiter is a very respectable job and if you treat them like The Help, you're going to get ignored.

Watching Downton Abby last night and noticing how everyone called each other Miss, or Mrs or Mister until invited to a first-name basis made me long for those better-behaved days that I never knew. Just before the show I was at the grocery and I watched a 19 year old kid holler at his boss, (who was in the middle of a conversation) "Hey! Mike! Where's the spinach dip?"

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance. None of us has any right to treat anyone else with less than that, co-workers and service workers included. If you do, you are stealing from them - violating the yogic principle of Asteya (non-stealing).

Dr. King gave his life for justice and equality. We can at least give a little more patience and respect to each other.

Vampire Weight Loss

2012-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

I've gotten your notes and read your posts about weight loss and you can so totally do this because everything in us is moving toward balance and health and joy.

I'm going to give you my yearly weight loss blog post but since a high school friend of mine was brave enough to post her 200+ "before" picture on Facebook, I'm going to tell you my story. If you'd like to skip the Grandma Dog story, scroll down to the bold letters and the picture of Edward the Vampire.

I started binge eating because I was born a vegetarian in a place and time where there was no concept of the word. I kept binging because I was emotionally starving. My family ate a very meat-centric diet because my dad was a hunter and because it was the meat and potatoes era. I skipped the meat, so I was hungry all the time. I ate (sometimes binged) on carbs (without my parents knowing) for years - until a nasty and very obvious bout of hypoglycemia required medical intervention and resulted in my parents force-feeding me cooked carrots. I was 16 by then and it didn't work because it was a very radical and violent change that I wasn't ready for. Even 25 years ago the highest weight allowance for a model was 110 pounds, though medically the lowest weight for someone my height was 125 pounds. The cycle of starving / binging and intense sugar addiction created a very sick 111 pound teenager who would still have been too fat to model. *Please remember this for later.

Depression
I left home at 17 and got sicker. I didn't binge or starve anymore because I'd discovered ethnic vegetarian food and that there were other people who didn't eat meat. Still, I was replacing protein with carbs, and still eating tons of sugar. I struggled with depression so severely in my 20s that I can barely even think about those years. Once I stopped the highs and lows from sugar and simple carbs, depression went away. Today if I eat too much sugar, I am depressed for two days. Not worth it. (If you are interested in the science behind this, read Jillian Michaels' Mastering Your Metabolism.)

Fast Fixes
So I started gaining weight. Then 12 weeks before my wedding I did a fast-fix program (Body For Life). BFL is not necessarily a bad program, but it was a disaster for me. Because it is severely restrictive 6 days a week and allows a "cheat" day once a week, binging came back with the sort of vengeance that had me eating all the leftover wedding cake the night before my honeymoon flight. It was a lot of cake. And I was depressed my entire honeymoon.

I went up and down for a few years until I did Weight Watchers online. I think Weight Watchers still has some potentials for problems because it allows you to binge / starve and still stay within your points, though I lost weight and kept it off. However, I cried a lot during the first three months, which brings me to my first truth:

Losing weight is like becoming a vampire.

I am Team Edward by the way.

To lose weight and keep it off, your old self is going to have to die. Well, actually you're going to have to kill it, but gently. And it's going to be painful. And scary as hell. But then you get to fly and be sparkly and all that so it's worth it.

Truth Two:

Diets don't work because we do violence to our bodies and minds when what we really want is love and acceptance.

Basically, we're all starving for love and acceptance so we eat emotionally. If you start starving your body then you're just ensuring that you're 100% starving instead of 75% starving.

Thus, Truth Three:

If you don't do this with love, you're going to start a war within yourself. War. is. Miserable.

There's only one way to do this, anyone who has lost weight and kept it off will tell you - so if you're ready to lose weight, you better get down with this recipe:

Love: in the form of forgiveness and self-acceptance.
Real food: one lean protein, one complex carb, one fruit or veg with every meal.
Move: you have to move your body every single day
Follow this recipe most of the time.

Love:
This is where yoga saved my life. In yoga we have a principle called "ahimsa", or non-violence. If you are working on weight loss, you are not allowed to:

Binge
Starve or go hungry for the sake of weight loss
Exercise to the point of damage
Skip exercise to the point of guilt or damage
Eat only one food group
Remember violent things people have said about your body
Say violent things about your body
Not forgive yourself if you do something you regret
Hate any part of your body for any reason
Compare yourself, especially to celebrities
Compare yourself, especially to celebrities (I said it twice because I am not &*^%ing kidding. Remember I was too fat to model at 111 pounds.)

Food: If you don't know what a complex carb or lean protein is, learning is going to be your best friend. The South Beach Diet book has a good list (book or Google it), and it's basically the Diabetic Diet, so don't let the name put you off. This is not the low-carb craze.

Move: Exercise so you sweat at least 30 minutes a day at least five days a week. You have to include some weight lifting in there. Take the other two days off by doing something easy like walking or gentle yoga. It's okay if you don't do anything at all, but if you're starting out it's better to do it every day so you make it a habit. Promise yourself you'll do it unless you're running a fever or throwing up.

Most of the time: Most of the time is a slippery slope. Structured programs will give you space to "cheat" but "cheating" is just another word for "violence". Most of the time trusts you to remember why you're doing this and to do it perfectly not perfect. Most of the time gives you room to do a great job when your energy and dedication is high, forgive yourself when you can't face it and enjoy food that delights and comforts you in proportions that aren't violent physically or emotionally.

Grandma Dog Part Two
I'm not going to tell you I've got this thing whipped. I weigh 140 pounds and I think I'd look better at 130, where I'm sure I'd think I'd look better at 120 and so on and so on until I wink out of existence. But I'm happy, I'm not dieting and I love food. I travel to eat food, I take pictures of food, I blog about food and I cook because it relaxes me. This year I turn 40 and age has necessitated adding 30 minutes of cardio to my mornings in addition to my yoga habit. The first two weeks were full of hate. Now, I can't imagine starting my day without it.

I will always struggle with the binge reflex. Like any addict, it's a reptilian urge that happens when I don't want to face something. Still, my most of the time habit means that if I do end up eating a box of cookies instead of lunch it doesn't have any effect except to alert me to the fact that I need to work something out. Which I do. Over cookies.

Every three or four days, something highly fattening and covered in cheese and chocolate sauce with wine a la mode sounds awesome and I have it. It is a holy and sacred thing that I enjoy and protect. If I go too far, I feel sick and I regret it and I learn something about myself. But, I'm not violent about it.

Truth Four:

4. You can do this with joy. It doesn't have to be a war.

I won't promise you that you're going to feel joyful slogging to the gym every morning. I will promise you that you'll feel joyful 30 minutes later having done it. And I'll promise that sometimes you'll jump off that treadmill at the end of a great workout and yell "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW SUCKER?" (Maybe that's just me but you should try it.) You will also feel joyful when you have to buy new jeans and when you find a healthy new food that you love. And many other times in between the slogging. (P.S. Take measurements, the scale lies. Forget the scale.)

And, if it's not your time - at least do the Love part. How much you weigh doesn't have anything to do with your worth and it doesn't mean that you aren't or can't be happy. Love has everything to do with it.

Mysteries

2012-01-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

Part of the fun of living with me is that you may go to the gym in the dark hours of the morning, leave me sleeping peacefully then come home to find me sitting up in bed, reading Genesis by Kindle light and yelling "SERIOUSLY?" loud enough to make the cat run for cover. Because I am just that good of a Christian and Godly influence.

I was reading that particular part of the Bible as research for a writing project, otherwise I don't go there too often because I end up ticked off. Here's what did it this time:

"And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." (Gen. 3:22)

and then, later at the Tower of Babel:

"The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." (Gen. 11:6)

Ok. Soooooo...that raises a lot of questions about a kind and loving God.

I spent a good part of the day worked up into that frenzy into which all academics and anthropologists worth their salt achieve when there is a dangblasted mystery which we cannot unravel.

Then, last night watching NOVA I heard an old, crotchety scientist dismiss String Theory as an unholy chicken chase, or something similar. I thought "Listen, pal, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean that's not how it is."

Frankly, I don't understand the Bible. I know enough about history to know how it's been chopped up, sewn back together, changed by bad translation and reckless interpretation to suit human interest. I'm never going to figure it out.

I don't understand the mysteries of creation. I don't understand the mysteries of the universe. I don't understand the mysteries of yoga. Hell, just this week I learned how to read a tape measure.

But - here's what I do understand:

I understand love and hope and delight and peace and contentment and miracles and kind people. I understand how to activate those things in my life. I understand, from experience, that those things come from a place outside me. I understand that I am grateful for the access and the mercy and the awesome ride that has been my life so far.

Between that and laundry and trying to figure out the digital camera, I don't really have time to try to unravel religion and it's various canons. I don't know that I really need to.

Smarty Pants

2012-01-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

I annoyed a cashier at Nordstrom yesterday. I knew I was doing it and I did it anyway because, well, I was annoyed and I wanted company.

I was shopping for yoga pants...to, you know, actually do yoga in. This is not easy. Yoga pants seem to belong more to the adult film industry these days than they do to yogis. So the cashier is trying to sell me on these $100 fancy yoga pants and I was taking the bait because they were so soft. She loved the design - they had some funky little flaps on the ankles - which is where things went bad. I explained that bootleg yoga pants, (of which I own a few pair), though they may make your booty look good, are terrible for actually doing yoga.

"You can't see your feet and ankles," I explained. "You can't check your alignment." She glazed over.

Okay, so the next rack over advertised, I kid you not, The Booty Pant. Had I seen those?

Just in case you've wandered off, yoga is not about your booty. It's about your soul. It's about your happiness and your health. It's about getting in touch with who you really are, it's about liking yourself, it's about being able to doing the stuff you love doing long into your old age, it's about feeling calm while everyone else freaks out.

Ironically, when I got home from Nordstrom I had a message from a new yogi who wondered if she could still come to class even if she couldn't balance and was a little "round". Hell yes, you can come to class, I wanted to say even though I've resolved to stop swearing. Please come to class. Please help us show booty pride. Please help us illustrate that yoga is not an Olympic sort. It is not a runway. All booties are welcome.

Stepping off the soap box, here's technical advice - the best yoga pants are capris or leggings that are fitted at the ankles. For guys, longish, stretchy shorts are good. Also, manufacturers really love their moisture-wicking fabric but yogis hate it. It develops a smell over time and you cannot get it out. And, unlike runners, yogis are sticking their noses on the clothes the entire class and we do not want to smell space-age plastic and last month's sweaty Chatarangas. Plain old cotton is the best, if you can find it. It's worth the hunt.

So - I love your booty just like it is, now you love it too.

Get it to class.

To the Stars

2011-12-28T06:15:00.000-08:00

This adorable little guy was an anonymous present from one of my sweet yogis. He sits on my window sill, where he catches the morning light and sparkles like nobody's business.

I love him. I love it that he's a pig and not a Persian cat. I love it that he has wings when he shouldn't. I love it that he came with a note that read "ad astra per alas porci" - to the stars on the wings of a pig.

For me, he is the symbol of 2012.

Potential

2011-12-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

It struck me today that we all severely underestimate ourselves most of the time. I know this is true because I can look back on my life and see how I've set goals and then accomplished so much more than I ever thought I could.

It finally dawned on me why people like my husband ran a marathon or why my friends Will and Jennifer do crazy extreme mud races. Or why my friend Doug ran 365 days in a row.

I'm not an athlete like that, but I think I finally understand what they're doing. They are reminding themselves to never underestimate what they're capable of.

Crazy person Jen

Lots more crazy people...

Crazy Will looks cold.

Power

2011-12-13T07:47:00.000-08:00

So there are hand saws...

And there are power saws...

With one, you have to do the work. With the other, it does the work for you. The end result is that the wood still gets cut, right?

Yoga is like a power saw. It does the work for you. If you're coming home from yoga sore, you need to be easier with your stretches and twists. Relax, have patience and let it do its thang.

Homeless

2011-12-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

We're heading to Chicago this weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. Chicago is a second home to us - we're there 4 or 5 weekends out of the year. One of the hard things for me about downtown Chicago at this time of the year is how freaking cold it is. I mean, I'm warm, but my heart breaks for the masses of homeless who sleep outside on the lakefront. I can't even imagine.

One day a friend of mine made fun of me for giving a dollar to a homeless guy. She says I'm not a city girl so I'm not jaded. She says she's lived in the city long enough that she just walks around and steps over the homeless. And, she's right about one thing, my dollar quite likely contributed to a drug or alcohol problem. So giving money no longer felt right.

And then one Saturday afternoon in Chicago a homeless guy approaches us as we're headed into a deli for lunch. He says "Will you buy me lunch?" Well sure, I'd probably buy anybody lunch who asked. So then he says, and I'm not kidding, "I want a Reuben with extra cheese, a bag of Doritos, a large lemonade and a brownie."

I got annoyed and he got a Reuben, no miscellany.

Still, I can't imagine what it would be like to be invisible. It would be worse than being cold or hungry. There are organizations who help the homeless, but there are really no organizations who treat the invisible.

Sometimes my heart goes soft and I do give money to a homeless person and say "take care of yourself". I know alcoholics. I know addicts. Some of them I love and I don't know where they are. I hope wherever they are someone occasionally hands them a buck and says "take care of yourself" as sort of my proxy.

Usually, though, I don't. I do smile a little and say "sorry". And I do contribute to our food bank. Still, I can't save the world.

Today's Daily OM gives this advice so much better than I can:

Homeless people in our communities are a fact of life, especially in big cities. Many of us don't know how to interpret this situation or what we can do to help. We may vacillate between feeling guilty, as if we are personally responsible, and feeling angry, as if it is entirely on their own shoulders. The situation is, of course, far more complex than either scenario. Still, not knowing how to respond, we may fall into the habit of not responding at all. We may look over their heads not making eye contact, or down at the ground as we pass, falling into a habit of ignoring them. Each time we do this, we disconnect ourselves from a large portion of the human family, and it doesn't feel right.

Most of us know in our hearts that the homeless and the poor are not so very different from us. They may be the victims of poor planning or an unavoidable crisis. Some of them are mentally ill, some are addicted to drugs or alcohol, and some are choosing to be homeless for reasons we may never understand. We can imagine that, given their lives, we would likely have ended up in the same place. This does not mean that we are meant to rescue them, as they are on their own learning path, but it does remind us that we can treat them as equals, because that is what they are. Even if we aren't able to offer food, shelter, or money, we can offer a blessing as we pass. We can look them in the eye and acknowledge our shared humanness, even if we don't know just how to help them. This simple act of kindness and silent or spoken blessings can be so helpful to those living on the street.

If you want to help with information, you can learn about the services in your area and share the locations of food banks, shelters, and other resources. Perhaps your family would like to have a plan ahead of time, talking with your children about how as a family you would like to handle these situations. Whatever you decide to do, you will feel much better when you make a conscious choice not to simply look away.

He Stinketh

2011-12-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

Here's a Bible verse for you:

"But Master, he stinketh" (John 11:39)

That verse is my favorite because it destroyed my brother every time it was part of a sermon about Lazarus being raised from the dead. Brother Sparks (of Stringtown Nazarene Church) would preach it with a straight face, and I'd look over at Aaron with a mixture of fear and giddy expectation. That verse is his kryptonite. He'd try to hold it together...lips squinched together...a wild look in his eyes...then....nope. He'd fall over in the pew, holding his stomach, tears running down his face. Silent laughter punctuated by high-pitched, hysterical squeals. Ya'll know.

My mom would be madder than a badger in a bag, hissing "Aaron. Aaron. AAR.ON." Once Brother Sparks even called him down from the pulpit, which is what it was called when the preacher stopped preaching and hollered at you. There was nothing more scandalous than a kid getting called down during the sermon. It's all parents would talk about on the drive home and then sometimes my mom would even get on the phone with her friends Carolyn and Clara and they'd talk about it some more that afternoon even though they were going to see each other again for the evening service in like two hours. Plus, Aaron really got it from my dad when we got home. And my dad was virtually an atheist, so when you're getting a whooping from an atheist over something you did in church, you know you really stepped in it.

The best part was, later that day (or any time in the next thirty years), all I had to do was whisper stinketh to my brother and he would start all over again like it was the first time he'd ever heard it. I'd either do it at the dinner table or in the back seat of the car, eliciting a "What is wrong with you two?" from my mom. (For the record, Mom. We just don't know.)

I'm so thankful for texting and because now I can text my brother from, say, the soup aisle at Whole Foods.

Stinketh

Heh.

So anyway, that was my introduction to the Bible. And I do have a point besides that fun little glimpse into our very normal family life.

The Bible and I have a long-standing Lucy and Ricky relationship: I don't understand why it's so infernally hard to understand and won't let me have any fun it doesn't understand why I'm always getting into trouble . We have had a nice, quiet standoff for fifteen years or so. Now suddenly, I'm being bombarded by Bible verses. And dang it, they're good ones.

Preach it, Facebook

Here's another one sent to me by a friend who calls her self a "heathen". What is going on!?

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands... so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." (1Thessalonians 4:11-12)

Good ones, right?

"Stinketh"

Heh.

Life & Mascara

2011-12-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you but I had a few quiet days off around Thanksgiving and I find myself sort of powering through the next three weeks and looking forward to more quiet time at Christmas. I shouldn't rush it - it will be here in about 3 seconds, but I can't help it. I love the end of the year.

So, 29 days left - some years I make resolutions and some years I don't.

This year I have two resolutions and I'm challenging you to join me. For every person who tells me they'll do it, via email (happyyogainfo(at)gmail.com) or by leaving a comment, I'll donate $10 to the ASPCA.

Here's your challenge: make 2012 your year of ahimsa - non-violence - peace.

Starting with this:

*Make your first aesthetic priority good health. Not a number on the scale, not a size, not 10 years younger. Before you spend one more dime on clothes, manicures, makeup or accessories aimed at making yourself skinnier or more attractive, start working from the inside out. Clean up your diet as best you can, find exercise you enjoy and do it every single day of your life, drop habits that are violent to your body.

*Vow to stop buying any cosmetic, cleaner or grooming product that's been tested on animals. It's very easy to do - just look for the leaping bunny icon on the stuff you buy:

Leaping Bunny also has a great website where you can find out what products are cruelty-free. I promise you, this is not a hard habit to get into and you'll feel like a super hero.

There may be an argument for testing pharmaceuticals on animals (though you'll never hear me make it) but any chemist will tell you there's no reason whatsoever that animal testing is necessary for cosmetics, shampoo, dish soap and their ilk. Those products are all some permutation of things we already know everything about. There are so many cruelty-free products now because manufacturers have heard the public outcry. Let's keep going.

If you or your household need some inspiration, watch this video of laboratory beagles seeing the sun and playing on grass for the very first time in their lives. You'll never be the same and you'll realize that life and kindness are more important than mascara.

And, while I'm on the soap box, about this Mayan end-of-the-world thing. What the media isn't going to tell you (because it's not sensational) is that many, many ancient calendars and predictions mark 2012 as the beginning of a new era for mankind, not the end of the world. It is the beginning of an era where we wake up and realize that peace is more important than power, that kindness is more important than greed. This is the time when we all move toward our own spirituality, we start paying attention to the spark of the divine in us. It's already started, if you haven't noticed.

Keep your eye out for signs of the peaceful (r)evolution because it's happening. Jump in anytime.

Feel it

2011-11-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Watching Florence & The Machine perform - I'm struck, once again, by the long list of people who aren't technically the best at what they do but they do what they love with such passion that they make us love it too.

Bob Dylan
Jackson Pollack
John-Michele Basquiat
David Byrne
Susanna Clarke
Umberto Eco
Mick Jagger
Rachael Ray
Ellen DeGeneres

You don't have to be the best. You just have to not hold back.

Mom, String Theory and Led Zeppelin

2011-11-29T12:04:00.000-08:00

My mom is old school with religion while I shudder at the idea of religion and use the word "spiritual" to describe myself, which is maybe a cop out, but whatever. Net-net is I was born a mystic and my mom was born a traditionalist. We don't always agree on the particulars.

However, sometimes she says things that make me go "hmmmmm..." in a good way, while I usually say things that make her go "hmmmmm" as in "Where did I go wrong, hmmm?"

Anyway, we both struggle around the holidays because things are not what either of us would have them be due to missing some key people and events unfolding in unexpected and un-Waltons-like ways. Still, today she says to me: "I'm not doing that any more. You know why? Because God said "I Am" which indicates to me that the good stuff is happening right now...not in the past or in the future. If I'm sad about the past or anxious about the future, I'm missing right now."

Hmmmm....

Unless you are a String-Theory-Believing physicist (who believes that the past, present and the future are all happening at the same time), you can't argue with that. If you happen to be a physicist, stop surfing the internet and get back to figuring out how to get me a lemur tail.

For the rest of us, Christmas Carol and it's ghosts be damned, I'm going to argue that there is technically nothing happening in the past that needs your attention. And, once you've invested in your 401(k), gotten groceries and painted your nails to match your outfit tomorrow, there's very little in the future that needs your attention.

It's sort of disrespectful to the people who are loving you right now and the blessings throwing themselves at your feet right now to waste time longing for the past or being anxious about the future. About tattoos being un-ladylike and Led Zeppelin sounding like cats fighting, my mom is wrong. But I think she's right about this.

Shopping

2011-11-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

I've always been an early shopper. I sit at home the entire month of December, smugly drinking tea in front of the fire and watching Muppet movies while the rest of the world tries to claw each others eyes out in Restoration Hardware.

This year I decided to buy or trade for as many local / handmade presents as I could. I thought it might be hard - but I have to tell you - it's awesome. It's 100x more unexpectedly awesome than I ever imagined.

I'm not overwhelmed with choices.
I'm not stuck in traffic.
The money exchange ritual is delightful because the artisan on the other side is delighted to sell stuff and make a living or extra money and I'm delighted to pay for it.
My friends, family and clients are getting cool stuff.
I have completely lost the anxiety that someone won't like their present because they were hoping for a Snuggie / Jerry Garcia Chia Pet / Bulgari spoon rest. If they don't like their handmade mittens, then they suck and don't deserve presents anyway.

It's such a tiny change in behavior but I feel like I just fixed something broken in the world, all by myself. Try it. Go buy something from an artist.

Pie

2011-11-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

It seems all the yoga classes and gyms are trying to help you burn off your turkey and pie already. I just don't subscribe to that.

First, you can't be thankful and feel guilty at the same time. It's metaphysically not possible. Enjoy your day, enjoy more than one dessert and rest in the knowledge that in the next 364 days chances are you're going to come down with a cold for a few days, or get really busy and skip a meal and it's all going to balance out.

Be easy on Thanksgiving. Have fun. Eat your pie and rejoice.

401(y)

2011-11-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

So lots of you know I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago and wound up with the most spectacular bruise in the history of the world, wrist to elbow. (I have a picture but I decided not to post it. It's really gross.) It should have been broken. In fact, I got a bill for $27.00 from the second radiologist they sent in to look at the x-rays - because it should have been broken.

I figure that I've done approximately 6,760 Downward-facing Dogs in my 13 years of yoga. Turns out they actually were a good investment in bone density.

I had lunch with a couple of yogi friends of mine today. Both coincidentally had to have some repair surgery. It takes a long time to heal from things like foot surgery or shoulder surgery and they're both pretty unhappy about it. I asked them if they could imagine going through that process without the years of yoga as a physical foundation. They both gasped. No way. Don't even want to think about it.

All the years I have gone to yoga, half the time I was too tired or busy or distracted and almost didn't go. There are poses I will never do and times I feel like a total klutz on the mat. Still - it's something I do for my future self (even though my right-now self gets the benefits too).

Yoga, your daily or weekly or when-you-can-make-it practice, no matter what it looks or feels like, is an investment in your future health. You will probably never have a day where you leave the mat feeling like you finally got a six pack or your butt looks awesome at long last.
But like a 401(k), when you need to make a withdraw (and the time will come) you're going to be damn glad you made the deposits.

The Spoon

2011-11-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know how this happened and please don't judge, but I just saw The Matrix this weekend for the first time. It was a terrible oversight. I'm sorry. Please let me keep my Geek card. Let's move on.

So there's this scene where a little buddha girl is bending spoons with her mind and she says to Neo..."the trick is not to bend the spoon, it's to realize there is no spoon."

Okay.

Later, after Neo gets the holy hell beaten out of him a few times, he realizes she's right. And finally, when Agent Smith is shooting at him, he takes a deep (yogic) breath, holds up his hand and gently says "No." The bullets stop in mid air and fall to the ground.

See, Neo finally understands he can create whatever reality he wants.

Sunday morning Joel O. was talking about the battle of Jericho (Joshua 6:etc). (If you don't know the story, you're better off with Wikipedia or reading it yourself in The Book.) But the net-net is Joshua and his men marched around the walls of Jericho for seven days and on the seventh day Joshua ordered his army to shout. When they did, the walls of Jericho fell and the battle was won. Because the walls weren't real. Not to God anyway.

You know I'm a big fan of The Law of Attraction. The Matrix says it in pictures and the Bible says it in parable:

Obstacles are in your mind. The spoon isn't real. The walls aren't real. Shout. Claim it. Rush in and claim what you dream of.

Facebook

2011-11-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

If you use social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) right, it can be a daily bubble-up of inspiration. It takes a lot to make me laugh, but since I got a handle on my Facebook friends, I LOL every single day. I love it. The trick is, just like in life, you've got get the right people around you. "Hide" the people who constantly complain or are negative. Keep the Friends who share inspiration, love, humor, information and humanity.

Yesterday a friend of mine posted this picture. I "Liked" it because it touched me. Then I couldn't stop thinking about it to the point that I think it might have just changed my life. It certainly put a new spin on a few of the things I've been wrestling with lately.

Think about what you're putting out into the world of social media. Are you contributing to happiness, hope and joy or are you compounding the problem?

As for the picture - are you helping anyone who is struggling or have you forgotten?

I Am

2011-11-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

When I was in college I wrote my thesis on the idea that mystical things like love and kindness were real - like measurable-by-science real. I got to study a lot of quantum physics and the more I studied the more passionate I became about my theory. My professors indulged me. Today I get a great deal of satisfaction watching physicists, psychologists and anthropologists prove what mystics have known for centuries:

Every living thing is connected.
We can affect each other, for good or ill, without raising a finger or opening our mouths.
Money doesn't buy happiness, and neither does poverty.
Love is what every one of us really wants more than anything else.
Miracles happen. A lot.
We are happy when we're acting out of love and peace instead of selfishness and fear.

Tom Shadyac, director of lots of your favorite comedies, has made a documentary that has some truly life-changing moments and ideas. My favorite is the yogurt experiment. I knew it.

It is so easy to set career goals, financial goals, weight loss goals and spend all of our energy chasing those things. This movie made me remember some very important truths about why I exist and what my role is here. And while it's fun to have money and look cute (to quote a friend), my purpose here has nothing to do either of those things, so I'll never be fulfilled (happy) if I spend all of my time and energy pursuing external things.

You can order a DVD or you can watch it online here. The movie is $8, I hope you'll watch it.

Rainy Day

2011-10-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

On a day like today, are there any sweeter words than Pumpkin Spice Latte?

One Goal

2011-10-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

Recently I wrote that I read a book called In Praise of Slowness. In this book the author advocates having one goal at a time, which is the exact opposite of how I roll. Well, maybe not opposite, but I believe in having at least five goals. But not more than ten, just so you know I'm not completely crazy.

She also talks about doing one thing at a time - also the opposite of how I roll. Still I can't disagree that multi-tasking is at best ineffectual and at worst dangerous. I have to tell you, that principle combined with a couple of weeks in Italy, the land of la dolce far niente (the sweetness of doing nothing) is sort of revolutionizing my life and making me realize how much crazy I accepted as normal.

I think I was addicted to goals. And it wasn't any fun.

Doom

2011-10-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here's something that's half-baked in my head but I'm starting to suspect as Truth:

There are times in life when we know it's time for a major change. We feel the rumblings of discontent, we hear the voice of our inner wisdom, we may even long for what's over the horizon. We might see signs or have repetitive indications or coincidences that clearly tell us that it's time for one of those major growth and evolutionary jags. I'm not talking about it's time to get bangs or shave your goatee, I'm not really even talking about getting a new job or selling your house. I'm talking scary things that you have no idea how to do...like letting go of someone who is dying, going back to college to change careers, leaving a long-term relationship that has slowly gone bad.

These kinds of evolutions can take years because they are so big. Because I am a nerd can we discuss Lord of the Rings as a metaphor?

So Frodo knew he had something hard to do and he was terrified. But he had a time limit, because that's what makes good movies. I don't think we have time limits on the big decisions. It's never too late to go back to school or move on or start again. But we may not know when to pull the trigger, and we can keep putting off so we're a little more financially comfortable, we share one more holiday, we have one more day of normalcy. Still, we are never far from the thought that we've got to get THAT ring into THAT Crack of Doom in order to save our world.

I just finished reading Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi. Coming out was her greatest fear. She had no idea how to do it and what it would mean to her world as she knew it; she figured her career was at an end and she would be rejected by everyone who knew her. It wasn't easy but the end result was the same as if she'd done it 5, 10, 15 years earlier. The longer she waited, the longer she needlessly lived in fear.

Incidentally, her life now is a hundred times better than the life she was holding on to.

Anyway, when you've got something hard to do, no matter when you start, the ending is the same. Your evolution is calling you and timing has nothing to do with it - except the day you take the first step toward the Crack of Doom is the day you're one step closer to being back home in The Shire.

Task Killer

2011-10-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

I've got an app on my Droid phone called Task Killer and I'm trying to figure out how to download it to my brain.

See, even when my phone isn't doing anything it's still doing things like checking for updates and waiting eagerly for an email or text to come in so it can chirpchirpchirp and justify its existence. If I click the little Task Killer monster, however, it shuts down all the stuff going on in the background and my phone just does one thing - it waits to ring, which is the very essence of its phone-ness.

Seriously, my brain needs a Task Killer.

I just sped-read a couple of good books: The Power of Less by Leo Babuta and In Praise of Slowness by Carl Honore. (Leo Babuta also writes a blog called Zen Habits, which I skimmed.) Last Friday while rushing down the stairs, I fell then sat in the Emergency room wondering if I could get an X-ray and a cast done in time to make my 3 o'clock hair appointment. I got impatient and pressed the nurse call button and told them I was about to head over to another emergency room if they didn't kick it up a notch. I am not proud of this.

Let's go back to the phone metaphor. I love all the things my phone can do - it can check for movie times, tell me which wine goes well with Reece Cups and it will even recite Address to a Haggis in a faux Robbie Burns accent, but all that stuff is there to enhance my life, not run it.

This fun stuff I have piled up - those magazines, the books on my Kindle, the notes for art I want to create and short stories I want to write, added to all the stuff I really have to do like exercise and cook and work, is just too much stuff. It creates this vague sense of pressure to speed up, which is not only not necessary, it takes the fun out of what's supposed to be fun.

Spiritual and temporal task killing allows us to get back to the essence of who we are.

Renewal

2011-09-29T06:02:00.000-07:00

Today and tomorrrow are Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year. I don't care for the traditional new year celebrations of Dec 31st, but I really like the Jewish traditions of 'planting seeds' for the year ahead and thinking about what has grown stale and needs to be renewed. Here's a really great post from Michael Berg, Director of the Kabbalah Center, on renewal...

"Rosh Hashanah is an important time of the year; there are blessings available to every person during this time. It is the beginning of the lunar calendar year, and is therefore called the “head” (Rosh) or beginning of the Year (Hashanah). The Kabbalists also call this time the seed of the coming year. We know that the seed of a tree, even before it is planted, holds within it all the potential that the tree will become. It will take time even after the seed is planted for the tree to manifest its complete growth and potential. Nevertheless, the seed that was planted already determines much of what will grow and happen next. If you plant an apple seed, no matter what you do afterwards, you will not be able to grow an orange tree. This is what occurs on Rosh Hashanah; we are creating and planting the seeds for the coming year. We want to have a year filled with great blessings and happiness so we take the opportunity through our thoughts and actions now to draw all of the energy that we will manifest later. Everything that we do on the days of Rosh Hashanah (this Thursday and Friday) is meant to assist us in planting the right and best seeds for the blessings that we want and will need in the coming year.

Another beautiful teaching is that on this day everything is renewed. One of the greatest sources of unhappiness is that everything ages and becomes old. Usually we are more excited and in love in the beginning of a relationship than 10 years into the marriage. Many of the gifts that come into our lives are exciting and fulfilling in the beginning, but then they become old. Even if we still appreciate them, it is not usually with the same joy and vigor as in the beginning. But it does not have to be so. We can and are meant to renew ourselves, our relationships, our lives, and our blessings at least once a year. One of the gifts available to us on Rosh Hashanah is the ability to draw the energy of renewal to the important areas of our life. Think about the areas of your life that have become old, and blessings that you want to fulfill with the energy of renewal. Through this consciousness you draw the energy of newness into every area of your life.

There are many tools that we can use during the two days of Rosh Hashanah but there are two important connections that we can all make. The first is to take time during these two days and think about our past year, the good, the better, and the not so good. Then ask yourself, “What do I want to change from last year?”, “what do I want to make better?” Also, “what blessings do we want to draw for ourselves and our family in the next year?” The supernal gates open up during these two days and by opening ourselves up to the flow of light and energy from above we can receive endless blessings.

The second important connection is how we think and behave during Rosh Hashanah. If we desire to connect to the supernal energy that is revealed we should behave like the supernal light. We should act in only ways of sharing, forgiveness and care. No anger, no doubt, no jealousy, no sadness, at least for these two days. How we are during these two days will influence the next 363.

May we all be blessed with a wonderful new year and endless blessings for ourselves our families and the world. Shanah Tova."

Revenge

2011-09-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Here's the delightful ending to the previous post, so read that one first:

About 12 years after I quit that job I'd donated a piece of art to the Young Star Bellied Sneatches charity auction (because I'd always supported Sneatches of all orientations) and during the live auction my art sold for a lot of money to a celebrity and there was a bit of a commotion with me at the center. In the middle of the commotion, guess who I ran into? (Oh, it's too good. I can't tell you. Okay, I can.)

My former boss, who was on the Sneatch Board. When she saw that the artist in the kerfuffle was moi, her former good-for-nothing junior chemist, she looked like she'd been hit by a two-by-four. Which was awesome. Then, THEN she stumbled through a psuedo-polite "What are you doing these days?" and I got to say "Well, I just finished my Master's degree and I work for the FDA." Her eyes literally sproinged out of her head like Judge Doom in Roger Rabbit. Can I also add that I looked really pretty that night?

Just exactly like that.

Huh, who's got the star on her belly now, Snee-otch?

Anyway, it was a good night.

Later in life, in a much more serious and heinous situation, I got the...."opportunity" to consider revenge in all of it's complexity. After about a year of..."study"...it came down to "Vengence is mine" says God and "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." says Confucius. So - we're not supposed to plan or exact revenge, right? I agree with that; revenge is poison. Walk away, turn the other cheek, remember all beings are suffering, living well is the best revenge and so on.

So, how does my pure delight at being vindicated figure in? I think it's this:

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies..."

Revenge is a bad idea, don't do it. You have to cut yourself to hurt someone else. It will never, ever heal you.

Vindication is your birthright. It is not something you do, it is a phenomenon you observe. When it happens it is an affirmation that you never need to worry when people are out to get you. Forgiveness heals (do it), vindication damn near erases the scars (wait for it).

Get up

2011-09-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Since I'm about to retire from Corporate America, I've grown reflective. If I could change just one thing about how I've conducted myself in my career it's this: I would have stood up for myself more. Here's a horrifying story:

I started out college and life as a chemistry major and lucked into a well-paying job at a well-known company as a sort of junior chemist. My job was to make some stuff that the real chemists grew stuff on to study other stuff, like salmon DNA. Exciting stuff.

Anyway, I was new at chemistry and very intimidated because if I made a slight mistake calculating the molarity of my stuff, their stuff got screwed up. Even worse, my boss hated me, and it was personal. Something like I was (fill in the blank with straight / gay, black/white, rich/poor, Christian/Jewish etc.) and she was the opposite. Basically, it boiled down to something like she was a star-bellied Sneatch and I wasn't.

No matter how hard I worked or how nice I was to her, she loved to hate me. She threw parties at her house for the whole department and never invited me. She made presents at Christmas for everyone but me. She would tell me how stupid I was. She delighted in publicly humiliating me. One day I'd made a mistake in my calculations and messed up the stuff. She let me know I'd messed up via printing dozens of 8x11 sheets of paper that said ROBIN: (and the correct calculation). When I came to work that morning, they were all over the building. This actually happened.

I quit not long after that, but I shouldn't have. I liked that job, I was actually really good at it and I needed it.

I have to tell you that looking back, I would not advise my young self to employ truth & love like I'm always telling you to. I want my 20 year old self to march into her office and yell loud enough for the whole building to hear:

"&^$% OFF, YOU MISERABLE *&^$ I AM COMING FOR YOU SO SLEEP WITH ONE OF THOSE NASTY BUGGED OUT EYES OPEN"

(I'm sorry. I know this may ruin some fantasy you have about me being the Zen Yoga Fairy, but it's time you knew the truth.)

Okay, then I want my 20-year-old self to march to HR and insist she personally remove every poster and apologize to me. I want me to hold my head high, do my job and not back down or slink around feeling rejected, stupid and humiliated.

That scenario played out several more times in my life until I learned the phrase "I do not allow people to speak to me that way." Go ahead, say it a few times. And, if that doesn't work, feel free to practice the other phrase.

I was raised a people-pleaser. I don't like conflict. I do like people and I really want people to like me back. I think people like us need a little more Henry Rollins and a little less Gandhi to reach a normal level of backbone.

Me and Henry - my anger coach

Now that I'm older and wiser, and a long-time Faith No More fan, I am bolstered by the immortal words of Mike Patton:

"Did I offend you? Well, maybe you need to be offended."

And you know, I think Jesus might have said that. If he didn't, I bet he just didn't get around to it yet - or that we know of. Yet.

Oh man, it's hard to write this. I keep thinking of Gandhi and Nelson Mandela and feeling like I'm wrong somehow. But you can't just throw Gandhi at everything, right? I also keep thinking of the scores of woman who should have swung a frying pan sooner, of Jesus freaking out on the money lenders in the temple, of Hermione punching Malfoy.

I tell you, I think sometimes you just gotta go mid-evil in order to preserve your dignity.

(Incidentally, the story has a delightful ending, but it meanders off into another topic (Revenge) so go warm up your coffee and come back for the next post.)

Grow Up

2011-09-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I gave my notice to my long-time employer. I've gone freelance as a writer, and even though it's really more work than working for someone else, I can hardly believe I get to write all day every day about lots of different things. It's like - my childhood dream. You'd think I'd be walking around with a possum-eating grin.

I am going to save the world from dangling participles. Hooray!

After trying to talk me into staying my boss said to me "Well, do you have a big short-timer's grin on your face?"

That horrified me. No. I most certainly do not. There is so much to do before I leave. Who will take care of all the work I usually do? Will they do a good job?

You may identify with that or you may already be onto one of my fatal flaws. It was diagnosed by a real bona fide head shrinker. I have an 'over developed sense of responsibility', he said. I am too grown up.

If you had too much responsibility too early or if you had to be the caretaker to a parent while you were still a child you probably ended up like this. You think the world literally depends on you. It's not narcissism, it's terror. If you don't fix things yourself - they'll fly apart, threatening your survival.

The truth is I'm going to put this job to bed, tuck it in nicely and make sure the nanny has eleventy million pages of notes and spreadsheets and backup phone numbers before I leave. There's no way I'm going to fix my flaw in 10 working days. There will be no possum-eating grin. But...part of my new life as The Boss of Me is to stop believing I have to save the world and to get a possum-eating grin.

Maybe it will require a "corporate retreat".

Murder

2011-09-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

When Bill and I were in Scotland we took a drive up to the highlands to Glencoe and the sight of the Glencoe massacre. We stopped at the Clachaiginn Inn, now famous for being the Harry Potter film location, where we discovered an interesting sign on the front door:

To catch you up quickly, in 1692 the clan chief of the Campbells and his army massacred the McDonald clan just before dawn on a cold February morning. It was a heinous betrayal, not just because the Campbells were cousins of the McDonalds, but also because the Campbell army were invited house guests of the McDonalds. It gets worse. The massacre order was issued by the government and it's chilling:

You are hereby ordered to fall upon the rebels, the McDonalds of Glenco, and put all to the sword under seventy. You are to have a special care that the old Fox and his sons doe upon no account escape your hands, you are to secure all the avenues that no man escape. This you are to putt in execution at fyve of the clock precisely; and by that time, or very shortly after it, I'll strive to be att you with a stronger party: if I doe not come to you att fyve, you are not to tarry for me, but to fall on. This is by the Kings speciall command, for the good & safety of the Country, that these miscreants be cutt off root and branch. See that this be putt in execution without feud or favour, else you may expect to be dealt with as one not true to King nor Government, nor a man fitt to carry Commissione in the Kings service. Expecting you will not faill in the fulfilling hereof, as you love your selfe, I subscribe these with my hand att Balicholis Feb: 12, 1692

(signed) R. Duncanson

For their Majesties service
To Capt. Robert Campbell
of Glenlyon

Some things never change. Evidently.

Anyway, haha we thought about the No Campbells sign. Except...it's not there to be funny. 320 years later there is still an openly accepted legacy of hatred or at least disdain between people whose only difference is a last name. The people who committed the murders are dead. The dead are at peace. There is no threat to anyone named McDonald by anyone named Campbell. And yet...there's a sign on the door that basically says "We'll never forget". There's also a memorial a short walk away that says "We'll never forget", but it means "We'll never forget our loved ones", not "We'll never forget that we hate Campbells".

I'm Scottish of the McLeod clan and connected to the McDonald clan so this is fascinating to me. I don't know enough Scottish Campbell or McDonald people to know if this is a serious 320 year grudge, but I know the Scots are smart, warm and generous (along with being fierce) and I like to believe they aren't batshit crazy enough to hold a grudge for three centuries.

Anyway, this battle is commemorated every year to this day and it's taken very seriously. This isn't a scene from a Hollywood movie starring a buffed up Mel Gibson. If you can imagine your cousins, who are your house guests, getting up pre-dawn and running swords through your children, your elderly parents and your spouse, then setting the entire town on fire while they spread out and diligently hunt down women and children who may have gotten away, who are hiding in the trees in their nightgowns on a brutally cold Scottish winter morning, then you see the parallels to terrorism all over the world. It's sickening to the soul. It causes grief beyond what we are able to comprehend or bear. It changes life forever, for centuries, for eons. The emotional tilt of the world shifts on its axis.

Still...I wonder: Does "Never Forget" mean "Never forget the victims and how we loved them" or does it mean "Never forget we hate the Campbells"?

Evolve

2011-08-31T06:08:00.000-07:00

One time my mom told me she was sorry about some of the ways she raised me - she said "I was wrong about a lot of things."

Well, of course she was wrong about a lot of things. She was 25 when she had her first baby and I'm guessing at that point she was still in possession of her cheerleading uniform from high school. Still, regardless of age, raising kids isn't just hard, it seems damn near impossible to me. Parents are going to get it wrong. Probably a lot.

So look, your parents did the best they could- and some days that simply involved not eating you. In the end they had to raise you however worked for your unique family unit made up of everyone's crazy. Including yours.

With those facts established, it's safe to say that if you're still trying to live according to your parents rules as an adult, or the family dynamic that worked for four to six other people twenty years ago, you're probably making yourself crazy. What do I mean? Here's a sampling of rules that don't work from my friends who were willing to share:

The man has to be the provider
If you don't wear makeup or lose weight your husband will leave you
Being gay is a sin
I paid for your college, don't you dare quit that job
Pretend your wife is always right, then do what you want anyway
A good job is a well-paying job
Speaking your mind is bad manners
15 minutes late is "fashionable"
Hushing up chronic depression, abuse or trouble

So you get the point, right? The world must evolve, it's part of the plan. We must evolve it, which means breaking with tradition sometimes.

Everybody wants their parents approval, no matter their age. Also, parents aren't always right. Sometimes they were right and they're not right anymore because things change.

Don't be afraid to make your own rules and do what is right for you or your family. When the time is right, tell your kids that you're not always right and give them permission to make their own way.

Squirrely's Law

2011-08-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

First, "squirrel" is just fun to say, and "squirrely" is one of my very favorite adjectives...as in "who's that squirrely looking dude".

Even in Marc Jacobs this dude is squirrely looking.

Second, I have a rating system called the Tail Scale under which every fluffy creature is scrutinized and scored. Squirrels, depending on the kind, fall just below lemurs on account of the fluffiness. Lemurs get points for the length and neat stripes. And the prehensilness. I love squirrels so much that I once invented a nerdy IT super hero called Server SQrL. Heh heh.

If you get this joke perhaps you need to get out of the office more.

Anywho. My abnormal preoccupation with squirrels is the reason I opened a bit of spam email titled Squirrel Medicine. Turns out the idea behind squirrel medicine is Native American and is founded on the belief in the wisdom of squirrels.

The Wisdom of Squirrels looks like this:

Set aside a portion of your resources for the future
Expend energy only on things that nurture and sustain you
Using your resources wisely
Accept life’s cycles, face winters with the faith that spring will come again
Know that change is part of life - create a safe space, both spiritually and physically, that will support you in the present and sustain you in the future
Don't allow worry to drain you, instead let your curious nature to lead the way, staying alert to opportunities and learning as you play

My husband taught me a new word: "catastrophizing" and lord knows how it's spelled, it's hard enough to say. However, it's easy enough to practice. It is the opposite of acting squirrely and goes like this:

I'm anxious about X. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Experts at this game can turn every un-answered email into a snub, every headache into a tumor, every entry onto the freeway as a potential fiery car crash. For high-level players, every dip in the stock market ends up with them in a bread line and their kids pulling around a wagon looking for scrap metal. Not enough praise from a boss means an imminent pink slip which leads to a black ball from the industry, the Gucci store, social events and church activities.

This game begins as a coping mechanism for fear, usually as a kid. If you're going to play this game as an adult and you simply cannot give it up, I must insist that you also list the best thing that could happen.

The whole idea behind being squirrely is a belief in the natural cycle of abundance - which is the opposite of Murphy's Law. Which, by the way, was offered up at some random symposium in 1877 by pessimistic, sarcastic, Alfred Holt who believed strongly in the 'percieved perversity of the universe'. There is no Murphy and there is no law of the universe that guarantees something wicked this way comes. And so let us declare an equal and opposite law: Squirrely's law.

"If something good can happen, it will."

Getting Lost

2011-08-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

Having success at some things means following a carefully laid and strictly executed plan: weight loss, an emergency savings fund, good grades, getting a promotion.

But success at some things requires going with the flow and seeing where they take us, what unfolds and finding out what God and the Universe have in mind.

People like me tend to apply the "carefully laid plan" to everything because we hate chaos, we have some degree of fear that everything will most certainly not be alright and we feel way better if we're in control...er..."control" (the quotes are necessary).

There's nothing wrong with having a plan and sticking to it. For example, if you try to tour Rome without a map you're going to have a really bad time. Rome requires careful planning, calling ahead for reservations and a very good map.

However, a pleasant tour of Venice requires getting lost. If you try to see Venice with a map you're going to end up frustrated...and still lost.

Seriously. Do not even try.

Sometimes we need to plan which road to take and sometimes it's better to see where the road takes us.

7 Steps

2011-08-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am always delighted when I read something that is simple, makes sense and totally do-able to improve the quality of life. I'm reading Yoga RX by Larry Payne and he sums up a healthier lifestyle as such:

Have a positive intention for everything you do. Get rid of negative thoughts.
Exercise faith and prayer.
Indulge humor and laughter.
Take time to do what you enjoy.
Eat healthy food & drink enough water.
Practice breathing exercises, meditate.
Get enough rest.

It's not a revelation, is it? But being positive, resting and taking care of yourself seem like good ideas as does issuing a mandate to have more fun. I hereby issue a mandate that you issue a mandate to have more fun.

Weight Loss

2011-08-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

I spend so much time teaching self-acceptance and trying to wrench yoga back from western-style fitness gurus that I hesitate to even write this post. However, being healthy is something that I want for you and me, so here's what I have to say about yoga and weight loss:

Intentions

First, I love you exactly the way you are. That's true. And if I can do that, you can do that. That's important.

Second, I struggle with food and weight and aging and vanity pounds just like nearly every other person in this country. But we have to be careful to put it in it's place.

Third, if you are overweight you are more likely to struggle with health problems and live a shorter life, and that's no good. If you want to lose weight, be sure you're doing it so you can be healthy and feel good, not so you can fit in. If you're trying to lose vanity pounds, I get it. Just be sure it's in the right place on your list of priorities.

Food

It's pretty simple. One lean protein, one complex carb for meals or snacks and a big fist full of vegetables at meals. If you need to learn what a lean protein and complex carbs are, follow the food lists for the Diabetic diet or the South Beach diet (phase 2). All the info is online, you don't need to buy their books. Treats (alcohol, dessert, simple carbs and high fat protein) are "occasional" and that usually translates to no more than three things from that list per week. You're going to have to change what you eat, every day, for the rest of your life. Period.

Exercise

Exercise happens every day for the rest of your life unless you are running a fever or throwing up. Don't panic, it doesn't have to be awful. Three days a week put on your shoes and go walk fast or run until you're breathing hard. Then walk slowly until you recover. Then walk fast or run again. Repeat for 20 minutes. (You can also use an elliptical, a bike or do Sun Salutations. It doesn't matter as long as you breath hard, recover, breath hard.)

The other three days of the week you strengthen your muscles. You can do it with weights or you can do it with yoga. The cool thing about yoga is you're going to be strengthening hidden, forgotten, neglected muscles like the serratus anterior, the infraspinatus and the soleus. This is why most people, even fit people, lose five pounds almost immediately when they pick up a regular yoga practice.

Now, Darling, those two things are the easy parts.

Exorcise

No, that's not a typo. If you are eating or drinking to numb your feelings you've got to exorcise your haunted head. When your gastronomic crutches are taken away you're either going to compensate in some other way (shopping is most common) or you're going to start feeling all the stuff you were trying to not feel. The only way out of it is through it. Get a therapist if you need to but don't let it stop you because even if you end up 50 pounds overweight but you aren't angry, fearful, sad, full of self-loathing, etc, you're going to be better off.

The South Beach diet has an interesting aspect called Phase 1. Basically, it takes away all the fun stuff. No sugar, no alcohol, no tasty fat for 14 days. Now, I am supremely suspicious of any diet, especially any diet that has temporary parts. However, if you give up your crutches for 14 days you're going to have to commit to making new eating habits, meeting new foods and facing your emotions. If you do it, don't be cavalier. This is hard and it has very little to do with discipline and everything to do with courage and compassion.

I'm under a screaming ton of stress right now - so I've given up wine and dessert for 14 days. The reason is that I love wine and dessert and I want them to stay treats - not become medicine. It's waaaaaay too easy and socially acceptable to start tossing back a Mother's Little Helper when the going gets tough. Get out of the habit and don't get back in.

I'm not a fitness guru by any stretch of the imagination. But I have watched my friends and students struggle with weight loss and torture themselves with crazy diets and fitness plans. I have participated in my share of both, and this information is the best I know how to give you. If you want to do yoga for weight loss, it's okay - you're going to get the spiritual part anyway - and that's the beauty of it.

Heart Trouble

2011-08-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

My dad has an aneurysm in his heart. We've known about it for awhile but it's getting big enough that the surgeon wants to try to repair it. Trouble is, he's not sure he can - and he'll only find out once he's up to his wrists in Dad's chest cavity. If he can, hopefully Dad has many more years to be a mischievous, surly old guy. If he can't...well, it's sort of an all-or-nothing kind of surgery. If my dad doesn't have the surgery at all, he's basically walking around with a time bomb in his chest.

What a strange place to be...knowing your days might be numbered.

I was thinking about that this morning while I was out for a walk. It was 65 degrees, the flowers are still a riot and we've still got lots of patio days in front of us. It is a beautiful, bonus kind of day. And still, these days are numbered just as all of our days are numbered.

Just as that occurred to me, a lady parked her shiny convertible right in front of me. She got out as I walked by, we made eye contact and I said what anyone would have said in that situation:

"You are going on a long drive today, missy."

She looked at me, blinked, inhaled sharply, held up one finger, blinked again, then said.

"Yes I am."

Work to live, my beloveds. Don't live to work.

Seize the day. Seize this day.

Ahimsa

2011-08-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

I've challenged my yoga students to a 30-day ahimsa, or non-violence practice and I want you to join us. For the month of August focus solely on self-acceptance and inward compassion in your practice and in your days. Often when we start to treat ourselves with the love and respect we would offer an honored guest, we make great strides in feeling happy, peaceful and whole. When negative, violent energy leaves our lives, it leaves our bodies - which can prevent and reverse disease.

No negative self-talk
No harsh words to others. If you slip, just notice and apologize
No gossip or trash talking others
Offering compassion to people who really push your buttons
No violent images or words from TV, movies, music
No violent speech
Adding at least one more entirely plant-based meal a week

It's a challenge because it's difficult to change ingrained patterns of thought and behavior. This one single aspect of yoga has completely changed me from the inside out and I hope you'll share your experience with me if you do it. I'm recommitting to it.

Start by observing the violence in your life then begin making baby steps to becoming a more peaceful, compassionate person. Starting with yourself.

Floating

2011-07-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

For my birthday I went on a beautiful 15-mile kayak. It took about five hours to get down the river and I was constantly looking out for big rocks hidden just below the surface, paddling against the stream to take a right or left fork and once I even had to work hard to not ram right into a fallen tree - which I did anyway despite all the paddling. I was worn out that night and sore the next day.

In that five hours I passed dozens of people floating on inner tubes. They had their shoes off, their faces tipped up to the sun and their eyes closed. They weren't paying a bit of attention to where they were going because they knew eventually the current was going to take them to their landing spot. They were just enjoying the ride.

I felt a little superior that day - at how hard I was working, how much skill it took to read the river, how much faster I was going. Looking back I just sort of feel ridiculous. All of us ended up at the same sandy stretch of beach, the difference was I was worn out and they were refreshed and relaxed.

The final yogic principle in the sutras is isvara-pranidhana or surrender to God.

Sometimes I think no matter how hard we paddle we end up at the same place we would have if we'd have just floated.

Nine Palaces

2011-07-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Quick, which picture makes you feel better?

The principles that yogis live by, the Yoga Sutras, are really just decency and common sense. Be nice, be ethical, be disciplined, be clean, spend time in prayer and meditation, have respect and never stop studying and learning. There, now you don't have to read Patanjali.

One of the yoga practices is saucha, or cleanliness. One way we interpret that practice is to keep our houses, cars and offices clean and free of clutter, which keeps our minds free of clutter. Art galleries don't leave space between paintings because paintings are scarce, they do it because art and beauty need room to breathe.

So do you, your good ideas, your life force and all the blessings that want to come to you.

The Chinese practice of Feng Shui loans us a very cool system for clearing space - it's called Walking the Nine Palaces. I love this practice because it breaks houses down into rooms and rooms down into sight lines so it's never overwhelming to jump in and start freeing up life energy and space.

You can read the specifics here, but basically you approach each space and walk it in two zigzags, making nine stops. At each stop you follow your sight line and ask:

What do I use this area for?
Am I happy with this area?
What would I change?
What would I take away?
What would I leave here?

It's helpful to start with an empty box for donations, a trash bag for trash and a notepad to write down changes you need to make once the space is cleared. Once objects are cleared, you clean and make changes. You don't have to do it all at once. You can walk one palace a day if that's all you can handle - but if your space looks like a yard sale or like you just moved in, you're blocking your creativity and happiness.

The Other Side

2011-07-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've got a piece of notepaper taped to my desktop - it's the beginnings of Happy Sutra 2. A friend posted this blog post today that inspired me to scribble another sutra, a thread of happiness that I know for sure, in my notes.

By now you know that I study happiness with the fervor that Jane Goodall studies chimps. Happiness is complicated, as evidenced by the fact there are more notes to make and book 2 to write and days when I want to stay in bed and muffle my sobs in the cat's fur (she hates this). I may not be able to tell you the exact recipe for a fulfilling life - in the end your existence here is your own study - but I can tell you one habit that will guarantee an unfulfilled life:

Trying to impress people you don't respect and you don't like anyway.

The author of the blog post (linked above) says to put what, why, who you love ahead of what, why, who you don't.

I am here to tell you that it's scary to give up money and "security" (in quotes because it can be a very fake concept) to follow your heart's calling. But I am also here to tell you that that fear is brief. On the other side of it is freedom.

I was having lunch with a sweet friend of mine yesterday who remarked we were "lucky" to be able to travel so much. I had to think about that. We sure are lucky, and blessed. Everything I am and everything I have is by grace. But we also had to make some scary decisions to be able to experience this blessing.

A few years ago Bill lost his job, a poisonous job that I was beyond relieved to see end. However, we had to make some financial decisions that were hard on our pride. After the shock, we made a new plan - a bold, crazy, trailblazing plan that involved us actually living our lives regardless of what people think. (It also involved going to Italy for two weeks...priorities, people.)

We would never have debt again.
We would live so that either one of us was allowed to quit a job without notice or permission from the other.
We would both be allowed to take up to a year off of work if we needed a break.
We would both be able to pursue whatever work fed our souls regardless of the paycheck.
We would prioritize what we loved and spend money that way and stop spending money on what we didn't love.

This plan allowed us to put who and what we love above who and what we didn't.

I honestly can't tell you how it happened but in that year we made more money than we'd ever made. We paid off our debt. And, we went to Italy for two weeks. We both completely lost our tolerance for soul-sucking jobs.

Besides that, we learned that we like to live simply. I thank God with regularity for handing us that challenge. We are infinitely happier.

And...we are lucky. We are blessed. But we had to let go of fear, materialism and social illusion that were blocking our path to experiencing that blessing.

If you had the courage to just make that list - what, why and who you love - and compare it with how you are actually spending the minutes of your very brief and potentially delicious life, what would have to change to live a fulfilling life, a life that matters, instead of a life that just looks good from the outside? What if you let go and there's something even better?

Rome, 2009. Not the faces of people who are suffering.

Staying Fit

2011-07-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

Your holiday is a time to loosen up...but nothing feels worse than a week or two of no exercise and overindulgence. We don't pass up gelato, pastries, pasta or wine but we don't like coming home 5 pounds heavier either. Here's a 15-minute-a-day plan for staying fit on the road.

Alternate the strength plan with the cardio plan, every other day and take one day off every six days.

Strength: You can get lots of strength training in with 3 simple yoga poses. The best part is you don't need any gear, but some people like Yoga Paws for traveling.

1. Bridge pose for legs, glutes and low back. Hold for 1 minute intervals x 3. Adjust the time up or down to your fitness level. This pose also stimulates the pituitary gland helping to regulate weight and hormones. It builds tons of heat and burns a lot of calories.

I stole this photo off the interwebs. It's wrong and I'm very sorry. But it's so cool.

2. Dolphin plank pose for core and arms. Hold as long as you can x 3. This pose is also a depression-lifter.

Wicked good art.

3. Downward-facing dog to relieve shoulder and back muscles from carrying luggage, standing and walking. Push back on your hands and let your heels move toward the floor.

Kermit is tight even though he flies first class...

Cardio: A 15 minute interval practice will keep the ravioli off your thighs. Runners like to travel with Skele-toes but I just find a hill or some stairs to climb so I don't have to have two pair of shoes. Do 5 minutes of easy walking then 5 minutes of stairs or hill climbing. You can vary the minutes just as long as you do equal intervals of each.

Optionally, yoga Sun Salutations are an awesome 15 minute cardio / strength routine. Watch this 80 second video then print this page and take it with you. You can do series A, easier, or series B, harder. (Thanks Yoga Journal and Miguel at Tribenet.)

Privacy

2011-07-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I grew up in an oddly configured house - there were no doors on any rooms except the (one) bathroom and my dad's room. There were three or four other kids (and their friends) there at any given time. I never had time alone and I never had any privacy. As strange as this may sound to you, I know I'm not in the minority. My best friend had four brothers and sisters and they had two bedrooms, neither with a door. My husband shared a room with his brother until he went to college, where he ended up with the same tiny room and bunk bed arrangement he'd had at home. Lots of people find themselves in this situation at any given time in life.

I always thought that privacy was a luxury. Now I realize privacy is part of happiness. It's necessary. No matter how long you've been married, no matter how many kids you have or how many brothers and sisters or roommates you have, you have to have time alone. You have to have a place to not worry about how you might appear to someone else.

Lack of privacy can be like a vitamin deficiency. It may not obviously bring down your quality of life but you can bet it will leech away at it.

Platypus

2011-07-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know why platypuses are poisonous. They're awfully cute.

Though not lethal their venom is excruciatingly painful, which is natures way of telling you to leave the platypus alone despite the fact it looks like a hell of a lot of fun to hug.

Today, in light of a certain court case and shocking verdict everyone is talking about, I'm thinking about guilt and mercy and karma.

Guilt is nature's venom. Guilt is not lethal but it is excruciating, which is why so many people end up drinking or addicted to something that makes the guilt stop for a minute. You can call it "partying" if you like, it's called "pain-killing" when you get to rehab.

Guilt is good. Because of it's persistent, non-lethal nature - it's there to get you back on track no matter how long it takes. It has a purpose in the cosmic ecosystem - and make no mistake - the cosmic ecosystem exists to bring people closer to their creator and their purpose and it will always win. That's called karma.

Does karma always hunt you, even if you've owned up made it as right as you can make it, learned the lesson? I don't think so. That's called mercy.

But what if you've owned up, made it right, done your time and you still feel poisoned? Guilt, like the platypus, doesn't inflict the venom unless you pick it up. So you've got to forgive yourself too. Put down the platypus

Focus

2011-07-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

I was reading Rick Steves' biography this weekend and laughing at myself. I've stayed in a lot of the hotels he's stayed in and slept on the same hard / lumpy mattresses he's slept on. Funny thing is, he just props open a window with a trash can and stabilizes the wobbly bed with some tourist brochures and wakes up for an early walk when the ever-present church bells bong-bong-bong at 6 a.m. every morning. He notes the amazing view, the incredible food, the funny, sweet, helpful, interesting people and chalks up the wobbly bed / stuffy room / perky bells to part of a sweet life.

When I think of Florence I first remember the long nights in a bed as hard as a grave and how I would barely get to sleep just before the bells would resurrect me and the entire city for another day.

It's only after remembering the insomnia torture that I remember standing in awe of the Medici tombs, of David, of the friendly restaurant owners who wouldn't let us leave without a free limoncello, of the hotel owner who treated us like her family. I laughed at myself and wondered what in the world is wrong with me.

It's all about where your dristi is, isn't it? It's all about what you're focusing on.

Makeover

2011-07-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

"I've never been happy." a friend of mine says. He says his parents weren't happy people and his persona in high school and college was angry and rebellious. It wasn't cool to be happy. ("Maybe we can blame Grunge." I say.) However he got unhappy, it stuck and here he is, half his life behind him. He's resolving to take his life back, to spend the next half happy.

The night he decided to be happy he had terrible nightmares that he was being hunted and shot at, that he was fumbling around in a dark house, alone and afraid. It's not surprising - the Ego creates ways to "protect" the inner child and those protection mechanisms can actually be destructive - we see it in mean, controlling people, addicts and power seekers. If the Ego is using unhappiness as a protection mechanism against being vulnerable, hurt and disappointed, it's going to freak out when that protection mechanism is taken away or threatened.

So what to do when you want to change, need to change, but something powerful in you doesn't? When it comes to happiness, you'll have to create a new identity for yourself as a happy person. You'll have to defend it. You'll have to change your relationships, the words that come out of your mouth and the way you think. You'll have to be willing to be hurt and disappointed. You're going to have to commit to a Happy Makeover.

As always, I recommend yoga as often as you can and a therapist if you've got stuff to deal with. (Believe me, it's better to deal with it and not waste the rest of your life sick with it.) Yoga releases emotional trauma gently and teaches you to observe the interworkings of your mind without judgement. It doesn't threaten the Ego in other words.

A Happy Makeover?

Gentle change.
Commit to being a happy person.
Practice gratitude.
Slow down.
Be compassionate with yourself.
Don't speak negative words about yourself or anyone else.
Fiercely and peacefully defend your happiness.
Deal with any major past or present trauma.

I believe that we are all created to be happy and can be happy. Right now.

Project Life

2011-06-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

(My at-last visit with Maureen was wall-to-wall inspiration.)

Maureen is an edgy scrapbooker - art and poetry and technology, along with her keen eye for Life's Little Moments, conspire to make everyone cry, every page, every time.

Maureen's new Project Life project blew my mind. She makes a page every week of the year that captures the beautiful moments of the week in pictures, words and ephemera. She's doing it for her kids, I think, to capture this time when they are little - the time that seems to go by in a lightning bug flash.

What would I put on my Project Life page this week, I wondered? Blank. The crazy weeks are all blurring into each other.

I need to make some adjustments.

Photo by Ali Edwards...check out her website...

Happy and Scared

2011-06-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

Maureen says that Anne Marie is going through a phase. She was excited to see her cousins but feeling shy at the same time. Outside her cousin's house she exclaims:

"I'm feeling happy and scared at the same time!"

How wonderful to feel happy and scared at the same time. How wonderful to own it.

That's life, I think.

Journey

2011-06-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

The physical benefits of yoga are undeniable, but there is a much deeper purpose. The mere challenge of doing poses offers you the chance to observe, explore and control your emotions and intentions as you relate to your body, your existence and your experiences.

When you find poses challenging, it's a good thing. It's an opportunity to watch how you react to challenges. Do you shrink? Do you over-achieve? Do you approach with curiosity? Do you compete? Hate your body? Fixate on your limitations? Don't judge that...observe.

When you find poses that you find relaxing, that's a good thing too. Enjoy. Relax.

Either way, keep breathing....

Papi

2011-06-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

My father and I are distant. Alike in so many ways...creative, enterprising, impulsive and very given to hermit-like behavior. We both hate talking on the phone and prefer solitude most of the time, not exactly fertile relationship soil. In a way, I understand his distance, respect it and love him anyway.

Still, I've never known what it really means to have a father. I will watch Father of the Bride over and over without tiring and dream of what it would be like to have a father like Steve Martin's character. To have a father put up with and pay for a wedding? When I told my own dad I was getting married and said he didn't have to come, he said "Good. You know I hate that s*&%." (He did come for a bit, actually.) At least he's honest. My father-fantasy has gone as far as adopting Papi from Ugly Betty as my imaginary father. I get a big smile just thinking about Papi making me churros and calling me mija.

Like so many others, too many others, I have had to father (protect, take care of and give wisdom to) myself. The upside is I have my own power tools, am not afraid of mice or snakes and see gender boundaries for the crappy illusions that they are.

I delight in the idea of God, but the idea of a Heavenly Father means about as much to me as the idea of the Sphinx in Egypt. I've heard of it, it's probably really there, but it means nothing to me. You're as likely to hear me start an after-class blessing with Dear Heavenly Father as you are to hear me say Dear Egyptian Sphinx. (The "Creator and Friend" that I learned in Africa is my sincere and standard start to any prayer.)

Lately though, I've been struck again and again with what it must feel like to have a father who takes care of you. Who you trust. Who you can go to for wisdom, a bit of fast cash, a hug or a little stinkeye for the boy who might mistreat you. Someone who might even give you the idea that your honor is worth defending. Honestly, I think I have had such an "I-can-do-it-on-my-own" attitude that I have limited the vision for my life to what I can accomplish on my own.

What could I accomplish if I accepted the idea that I am a daughter of the biggest, baddest Dad of all time, a dad who owns all the lands and castles and oceans and planets? A Dad who really can and would do anything for me? I think if you, like me, have held the belief that you can do it on your own - we might be missing out on some love...and infinite resources. If you already have a great father, are you limiting the vision for your life?

While we're on the subject, I'd add a post script to fathers:

If you are a father of a daughter or a mother who has to be mother and father to a daughter, listen to me now because I may never write anything more important: You are building the foundation of self-worth and security your daughter will take with her to school, to college, into relationships and into her career. Defend her honor no matter how much she complains. Tell her she is not going out of the house dressed like that, because what she hears is "you are now and always will be a fairy princess and I will get a pitchfork and make a pile of bodies for the unbelievers". Being a fierce and loving dad is probably the hardest and most sacred thing you will ever do - I do not envy your responsibility. But you can do it, and the world needs you to do it.

And...if you have been a sucky father and your daughter is grown - it is never, ever too late to fix it. No matter how old she is, she is still waiting on you.

Papi...

Balance

2011-06-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I saw a list of resolutions posted on a fitness center bulletin board - members were invited to post ten things they wanted to commit to in 2011. One person listed that they wanted to spend an hour working out four times a week and walk 3 miles, three times a week. Then they listed they wanted to meditate for 30 minutes a week.

Seven hours of exercise and only 30 minutes of meditation?

It's a good example of how were so focused on external health and happiness while our internal lives (the only thing we came with and the only thing we're taking with us) languish.

How about you? How's your fitness balance?

Miners

2011-06-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

Patanjali writes that happy people look for happiness as a miner looks for gold.

I think so often we feel as if happiness should happen to us or as if we'll be happy later - when we get a new house, when the car is paid off, when we get to Disneyland, when we get a new job.

I've also read some malarkey lately about people being genetically predisposed to happiness and others not so much. My theory is that our parents may not have been happy people so we somehow get the idea that happy is not normal, or accepted. I wholeheartedly believe we can change our happy set point by identifying with being a happy person, making it part of our persona.

Abraham Lincoln said "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Look for happiness the way a miner looks for gold and I bet you're going to learn a lot about yourself.

Garbage

2011-06-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

"You don't have to analyze the garbage before you throw it out."

If that hits an emotional nerve with you, read this blog post by the Accidental Seeker (whom I love) to learn about letting go of emotional baggage...and not creating more.

Lions

2011-05-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

He never said there wouldn't be lions...he just said he wouldn't let them eat you.

Joy

2011-05-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Everyone has bad days but sooner or later you're probably going to have a bad year. Or more.

I got left at the altar once. Not at the actual altar, but the invitations were sent and the dress was in my closet and we were weeks away. Total, prolonged devastation followed.

Also in the prolonged misery column: my mom took care of my Alzheimer-stricken grandmother for five years - both lived in agony. My neighbor fought his tiny daughter's leukemia for years (she won). I have a friend who's been out of work since the recession hit three years ago. Another friend endured a hurtful, frustrating marriage for a decade. I vividly remember growing up isolated out in the country of a very small town. Every waking minute I dreamed of a bigger world and of seeing it. I chatted up complete strangers who had been anywhere, some kind soul gave me her old Architectural Digests and I read them cover to cover and pinned the pages on my wall. It was not a Leave it to Beaver childhood but I had plans and I had pictures of those plans.

Lately I haven't had a marathon of those days but I've sort of had a 5K. I teach that Joy is a choice and a friend recently pointed out that Websters defines joy as well-being, good fortune or the prospect of possessing what one desires.

Hmmm...merely the prospect?

The Law of Attraction says that if you're going through a 5K of what you don't want and you keep focusing on it, you're going to attract a marathon of what you don't want. You have to switch your vibration to what you do want. Even the tiniest transmission of Joy tells the universe you'd like more Joy with a side order of Joy and a big, steaming mug of Joy with whipped cream and Joy sprinkles, please.

Esther Hicks recommends the "vision board" - making a visual representation of what you want. I have built "altars" my whole adult life without really understanding what purpose it was serving. Now I understand both concepts. It forces you to name what you want. Once you've named it, you can kind of get excited about it. Once you're kind of excited about it, you become a magnet for it.

You can visit me in my surf shack.

If you're someone who regularly says things like "that's just my luck" or "I'll probably never..." or "it's too late to..." or "it's going to be a long week" then you are not dwelling on the prospect of possessing or experiencing what you want.

Cut out some pictures and pin them to your wall if you have to, but do not underestimate the mere prospect of good fortune. Faith is the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews), Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs), Hope is the thing with feathers (Emily Dickenson) and Everyting gone be awright (Bob Marley).

Thursday's Happy Yoga Workshop is all about Joy and we'll have the lovely Emily Thompson playing violin - live - to give us a delicious boost. See you there.

(Happy Yoga - 6:45 - 8:00 p.m., St. Luke's UMC on Meridian, $10, everyone welcome)

Ask

2011-05-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

I've long been a believer in the visualization theory; simply asking the Universe for what I want and need. I think sometimes there's an intermediate step, and that would be asking actual people for what we want and need.

This is harder than asking the Universe because we have to articulate what we want, swallow our pride and risk being turned down.

I remember when I wanted to start a donation-based yoga class. I thought nobody in their right mind would partner with me - there would be too much financial risk for them. But I asked Betty at St. Luke's for a space and nervously awaited her thoughts. Hallelujah, look what that got us. Nirvana - not one, but two nights a week.

As a traveler, I've learned that people all over the world have a desire to help others, even complete strangers. It's fulfilling.

Tom Wolfe coined the phrase "The Favor Bank" - the idea that we put favors into a big cosmic bank and are therefore allowed to withdraw, without shame, from it. In fact, withdrawing is encouraged because it makes room for people to enjoy depositing.

Are you too prideful or guarded to withdraw? Is there something in your life that you want or need? Who could you ask?

Change

2011-05-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

I think most of us were raised with some kind of Old West value about keeping your word no matter what and that your word is connected to your reputation and what kind of person you are and even how God sees you. I think this value can be trouble because when it's overdone, it causes us to ignore our own needs and our divine life paths.

You are allowed to change and you are allowed to change your mind, even if it upsets other people. You are allowed to change your mind about going to a party and you are allowed to change your mind about being an orthopedic surgeon. Changing your mind makes you neither a flake or a failure. It makes you an evolving human whose little light is shining.

You might need to give yourself permission to change if you are:

1. Doing stuff you don't want to do because it's expected
2. Holding onto pieces of an old identity that are no longer useful
3. Holding on to victimization
4. Holding on to the consequences of a mistake
5. Ignoring sunk costs

From social commitments to career choices, the idea that you have to keep your word no matter what is black or white thinking that belongs in black and white movies. This sort of thinking can contaminate our whole lives, keeping us from who we really are, what we really love and what we're really meant to do.

What are you doing that you don't want to do?
Who were you that you aren't now?
Who do you need to forgive? How do you need to move on?
What time and expenses do you need to write off as non-recoverable so you can move on?

It's okay if you're done running now.

Lemurs

2011-05-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I was going through a terrible, complicated, very grown-up situation. I was handling it via the traditional grown-up routes - talking, worrying, journaling and all that crap we're supposed to do past the age of 11. One Saturday morning in the middle of it Bill asked me what I wanted to do that day. Thank God I didn't think about it. This just popped out:

"I want to go to the zoo. And I want to eat ice cream by Lemur island. And then I want a present."

And that's what we did, plus I got to pick out anything I wanted from the zoo gift shop. (Remember going on field trips and you only had $5 for the gift shop? Try going back with the buying power of a gainfully employed adult.)

I can look back and see that day as a turning point. I don't know why lemurs and ice cream helped me more than therapy and fixing and talking, but it's not the last time I've successfully employed brownies or a trip to the pet store to look at the cats or a nap or a Harry Potter marathon to fix a funk.

Sometimes I think we have to surprise our grown-up selves as a way to plug in to our joy. Sometimes I think we get tired of the the grown up things we're supposed to love...like new carpet. Who gives a damn about carpet? Bring on the kittens and candy bars!

Don't underestimate the possibility that inside you're still five and you'll always be five. Delight that five-year-old and I bet you're going to find a new dimension of happiness.

Boo! HAHAHAHAHA!

Quantum Yoga

2011-05-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've twisted quantum physics into a big, delightful yoga knot. I think it's time, don't you?

The Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle states that for certain things you can't measure present position while determining future momentum. In other words, ou can't know where something is in space and time AND determine how fast it's moving. You can only do one or the other.

Heisenburg was talking about electrons but I'm talking about you.

You can't Be Present in the moment while thinking about What You Will Do in the Future.

If you're constantly in motion mentally, physically and spiritually - that's all you can know. You can't know where you are. Which is sad because where you are is where the flowers are blooming and the breeze is stirring the curtains. You can't enjoy a future breeze or a future flower, and you can't enjoy a past flower or a past summer breeze. You can only enjoy where you are in space and time right now.

Move mindfully through your life and through your yoga practice. Don't rush.

Heisenburg on Yoga, I'm quite sure.

Grass Angels

2011-05-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

I can get very scientific about miracles and divine intervention. I once spent eight years as a very scientific atheist. What a relief it was, then, to be so empty of belief and so shrouded in fear and doubt that all I had left was the tiniest hope that there really were, as the ancients believed, angels bending over each blade of grass shouting "Grow! Grow!"

I had only the smallest, craziest, last-ditch hope that one of those angles might shift his gaze to me, pinned to the earth by so much despair that I crushed the very grass he was cheering on, take pity on me and re-route one breathy "Grow!" (or "Go!") my way.

What a relief to hope. What a relief to believe in miracles.

The Creek

2011-04-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

Where I grew up it was common to follow a statement of plans with the phrase "if the creek don't rise." As in "I'll see you Saturday if the creek don't rise." I guess if the creek rose the wagon wouldn't be able to ford the stream and you wouldn't be able to get to Olsen's Mercantile or something. Anyway, my mom always said "Lord willing" instead of "if the creek don't rise", and she said it after just about everything - I think she still does.

However,a few years ago she went to buy a new car and she was on the lot praying about everything right down to the paint color when she heard the voice of God say something like "Martha. I don't care. Pick a color that you like." Mom tells me she had a revelation that day.

We are co-creators of our lives.

Sometimes life doesn't go as planned - things change, people change, we change, the creek rises. When that happens we just make a new plan - it doesn't mean we can't do it prayerfully or thoughtfully, but it also doesn't mean that the Universe was smacking us down for wanting a shiny red car, a healthy baby, a new job, a debt-free life or anthing else that lights up our hearts.

If you've got a plan, and it seems good for you and good for the world, keep going - even if the creek rises.

Destruction

2011-04-21T06:58:00.000-07:00

Recently I heard Tom Shadyak, the director of the new documentary I AM say some fairly galvanizing things.

One, if you don't do what your heart loves it will eventually destroy you.

In our conversations and on this blog we talk about doing what your heart loves because it will make you happy. But I think he's right-er. I think if we don't follow our life purpose we are totally destroyed eventually. The destruction happens little by little every day we don't walk our path or at least take steps toward our path (which might mean starting to ask questions about what your heart wants to do.)

Two, organisms that take more than they need are called cancers. Cancers eventually kill their host and die along with them. In yoga we have the concept of aparigraha, or non-hoarding (non-greed) as a path to happiness. I agree with him that we have been sold a lie about happiness and success. That lie involves body image and material wealth, and we're lied to all the time. For instance, every yoga clothing catalog I get with tiny, muscle-bound models is a lie. If you can't trust a yoga catalog, who can you trust?

Tom says the less stuff he has the lighter he feels.Have you ever seen a happy hoarder who hasn't seen their bed in twelve years because they've got so much stuff? We're obsessed with this show because they are us, they are what we are becoming.

What if happiness is found in that sweet spot where we have only what we need and are doing what we love? That sounds like a scary spot to a lot of us because stuff means security and security means happiness.

Wrong.

How many wealthy celebrities have to implode and commit suicide before we see stuff = happiness as an illusion?

Recently I happened across this quote by a Laotian refugee:

"I want the American dream. A wife, a house and a dog."

What do I need for a happy, purposeful life? A place to live, travel, my health, a place to make art (word art and yoga art and painty, gluey art), a community of people to love and who love me.

What do you need?

Metamorphosis

2011-04-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

On the show What Not to Wear, fashion victims get a makeover only after agreeing to give up their entire wardrobe and put themselves in the hands of professionals. When they agree they get a $5,000 Visa card, a trip to New York to shop and learn new fashion skills.

Sounds fun, doesn't it? Most of them go kicking and screaming. The first day there is always a tug of war over a ratty Mickey Mouse sweatshirt that shouldn't have been made, much less worn. But they justify its existence and beg to keep it...because it's familiar.

Then, in the only outfit they now have to their names, they go shopping. They are overwhelmed by the choices. More melting down. Eventually, with help, they learn what they came to learn and they buy new clothes. They start to get excited.

But wait, in the makeup chair there is more resistance because... (they don't wear makeup) (they don't want to look like a painted trollop) (it takes too long). They have to detach again from their old identity.

The hair cutting part is my favorite. You know and they know they need to lose 12 inches and 14 years off that dirty hippie hair...but some just can't. They cry, they refuse. Their hair has become the ultimate symbol of their security. I love the people who are terrified but give themselves over to it. They cover their faces and grit their teeth. And then they light up when they see what they can be.

Metamorphosis is excruciating. It's messy, ugly and terrifying.

At the end of the show the participant is glowing. Not because of their outer transformation so much as the fact that they made it through the long night alone in the hotel room, crying, identity-less, alone and fearful. They did not die under piles of options and self-doubt. They did it, they made it and they are so much more than they ever thought they would be.

Metamorphosis is also the only way to happiness, and we all go through it. Multiple times in life.

If you are stone cold miserable, if you are sick on Sunday night and sicker on Monday morning...your life path is waving a $5,000 Visa and a trip to New York in your face. Take it. Be prepared to give up what you thought was security, be prepared to give up who you thought you were.

In the end, the best security, the best beauty, the best happiness comes from finding the strength to be who you are.

Perfection

2011-04-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

If you are waiting for perfection before you love your body the first thing you need to do is find a person in remission from cancer and study how they are loving their body because it's alive and it functions and it can go to movies and eat cookies and get hugged and hug back and see the ocean and hear the birds.

The second thing you need to do is stop waiting for perfection and love and take care of your body right now.

It's not your fault that you're this way. You've been taught by people with money on the mind and PhDs on the wall. You may have even been taught that you're imperfect by people you trust - mothers, partners, doctors and yoga teachers can be just as damaging as infomercials and airbrushed models.

Healthy is beautiful. Getting healthy is beautiful. Fighting disease is beautiful. Hating yourself is an extremely sad waste of a delicious but brief lifespan.

These cats are not waiting on perfection. They are waiting on lunch.

Exhaustion

2011-04-14T05:34:00.000-07:00

It takes a lot of energy to be who you're not.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it takes almost no energy to be who you are.

Be very suspicious of the things in your life that make you feel emotionally exhausted.

Those things that make you feel excited and charged up? Do that stuff.

Be this dog.

Calibrate

2011-04-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

The War of Art reinforces the idea that if you are over-doing it in some area of your life (food, alcohol, work, shopping, TV, sleeping, social media, etc.) you're running from something, and that something is probably your true purpose.

In Happy Sutra I called it Calibrate and suggested sometimes it just takes awareness to know when you've had enough.

Sometimes the cause is much deeper and we need to look at what we're trying to escape, what hole we're trying to fill, what pain we're trying to medicate. Like the little kid in the Sixth Sense, you'll never shake the ghosts until you listen to what they're trying to tell you.

Happier

2011-04-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

Look at your work / chore plan for the week. Find one thing that is a waste of time or not returning any value and stop doing it. (If you're brave enough, repeat until you're a Work Ninja.)
Notice one way in which you are suffering or uncomfortable. Remedy it as soon as humanly possible. Extra points if you have to stop what you're doing and go out of your way.
Write down the one thing you really need this week. Either make a plan to get it for yourself or take time to tell The Universe you need help.
Write down one thing that would really bring you joy today (or this week). Do that.
Write down five things you are grateful for.
Think of the worst situation going on in your life. Now write down five good things about it.

Lessons for Ladies

2011-04-06T12:36:00.000-07:00

I wish someone would ask me to speak at their graduation. Shannon Glasscock did ours and she was great, I'm sure, but really. What were we, like 12? We didn't know doodley snap. David Wolf, the astronaut, spoke at my college graduation but as a rule I don't trust people who have left the planet on account of that movie.

Recently, in a fit of morbid curiosity, I bought a book called "How to be a Lady". Most of the topics dealt with what height of heels to wear and not texting at the table, which is not exactly wisdom from the Oracle if you ask me.

Here's a real list of Top Ten Things Young Ladies Need to Know:

Earn your own money. If you want something expensive, go buy it for yourself.
Swear carefully.
Never, ever write anything in an email you wouldn't want on the CNN crawler.
Don't believe all that crap about not crying at work. If you cry at work and your boss is uncomfortable, it's probably their fault and they probably should be uncomfortable. Cry proudly.
Be generous.
Learn how to say "I understand what you're saying and how would you like a fork in the eye?" in three to seven languages. Kidding. No I'm not. Mi pare di capire cosa si sta affermando come volete e la forchetta nell'occhio?
Don't use people and don't talk about people behind their backs.
Don't be afraid to be wealthy. Don't be afraid to be broke.
View all criticism with extreme suspicion.
Sort out what's dangerous and what's scary. Do the scary stuff. Go get yourself a big metaphorical serving spoon from the cosmic utensil drawer and start eating life with it.

Burn the Mule

2011-04-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is a true story.

When my stepdad was growing up in Kentucky he knew a man who had an old mule and the old mule would pull a wooden cart back and forth to town for him. One day they were on their way home from town with a wagon full of whatnot and the mule stopped to rest. No matter what the man did - kick it, beat it, yell at it, the mule would not move. Finally the man gathered a bunch of brush, stacked it under the mule's belly and lit it. It worked. The mule took five steps forward and stopped, putting the cart right over the fire. The man could do nothing but watch his cart burn. I bet the mule cracked himself up.

Point is, when you take action when you're angry or feeling vindictive, you're just going to burn your own cart. When you're angry, don't do anything but breathe.

Dead Days

2011-03-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I was introduced to the ancient concept of "Dead Days". Traditionally, Dead Days are the days between Christmas and New Year - and they don't 'count' from an astrological perspective. They are a cosmic vacuum. I instantly latched on to the idea of a day off of the evolutionary merry-go-round. I love learning and growing and working, but there are days when I would like to just hang out at status quo for 24 hours. Vacation days are not Dead Days since on vacation you're usually doing stuff.

Gothy Kerfuffle, my personal holiday, is not a Dead Day because it's usually spent shopping and eating more than one kind of pie. Gothy Kerfuffle involves plans.

Since I started observing the winter Dead Days I've noticed that a couple times a year I need a Dead Day in the middle. This is a day to pull all the energy back in. A day when you don't have to evolve or give or improve. It's a day-long Corpse pose.

I can barely get people to hold still for a 10 minute Savasana (Corpse), much less loosen their grip on the guilt that would come from doing nothing for an entire day. But just try it. Every once in awhile, feed yourself and the dog and the kids and then thrown the main breaker for the day. The world will not stop spinning just because you do.

Contortion

2011-03-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

"Yoga does not deepen by simply adding more and more spectacular postures but rather by tuning into the workings of relationship between mind and body and learning how to use yoga postures as a tool of meditation. From there we can create an authentic spiritual practice that helps us remove the physical and mental habits that keep us from genuine freedom." -Michael Stone

There's nothing wrong with wanting to learn Firefly or Eight-Angle, but this quote, passed on by Anna at Curvy Yoga, reminds me why I started doing yoga and why I keep doing yoga. Not so I can perform with the circus or achieve the ultimate contortion but to get to know myself - not the self that I think I want to be or the self that other people think I am...the unique not-like-anyone-else-who-will-ever-exist self that God invented.

When I accept my practice as it is in that moment, when I breathe...in...out...move...feel...listen. Finally, I can hear, I can see.

Dublin

2011-03-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

When Patrick was young he was kidnapped and sold into slavery. During the six years that he was a prisoner his letters say that he prayed day and night, as I imagine many of us would. One night a voice called to Patrick in his sleep and told him there was a ship that would take him back to his homeland and to freedom. But it was 200 miles away. He'd have to escape and he'd have to walk.

So he did. But when he got there they wouldn't let him on the ship because he didn't have any money. So he left. At the last minute someone from the ship came and got him and he was able to set sail for his home.

But this was no cruise ship. Most of the crew died of starvation and sickness and Patrick barely made it home. But once he did make it home, the strength and deep spiritual connections he'd forged made him a great man...a legendary man...a saint, even.

Sometimes we think we aren't living our life purpose because the road we're on is just so hard and crooked. We have to differentiate between wanting to live an easy, safe, sure life and living a life that builds the strength and character we need to arrive at our maximum greatness.

Yes

2011-03-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Tanya's Facebook post said to turn to page 56 of the nearest book and post the
5th sentence as your status.

"Make a vow to be radically present no matter what happens." A Year of Living Your Yoga

Before I go there, though, let me just say that Bill's book was just inches away. My status was almost:

"Strain hops and hop wort to the primary fermenter." More Homebrew Favorites

I guess all this philosofuzzing doesn't happen because we sit around drinking V8.

Anyway, Stan mentioned the Jim Carrey movie "Yes Man" in response to my status. Jim is bored and unhappy so he decides to start saying "Yes" to everything that comes his way. Shenanigans and tomfoolery ensue. But seriously...what if I started saying yes? Why am I always saying...maybe?

Maureen sent me a quote on Monday.

First, choose from the options that thrill you.
Then, choose the ones that also teach you.
And from these choose the scariest.
Butterflies in your tummy are good.
-The Universe

Sunday night Bill said "We should spend Christmas in Germany this year. I've always wanted to see the Christmas Markets. We could stay in that little place in Rothenburg. And we should stay through New Year's. We could take the overnight train and be anywhere for New Year's Eve."

Do you know what I said?

"Hmmm.....maybe."

It would appear that I have gotten so used to playing it safe, weighing the options and being grown-up that I have actually lost my mind. I wonder if I'm constantly sending out waves of "NoNoNoNoNoPleaseDontPickMe" and the Universe is saying "Okay, whatever. More room at the schnapps table for the Farquars then."

Dear Universe, please ask again. The answer is YES. From now on, I promise to be radically present for my own all-too-brief existence.

Letting go

2011-03-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

By how many orders of magnitude would we increase our happiness if we focused on letting go of suffering and letting go of creating suffering in others? When I try it, when I state that I'm not going to worry or feed my anger or try to control the situation, I am usually met with Fear.

Of all my emotions, I am most suspicious of Fear.

Failure

2011-03-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

In a beautifully honest moment today, a friend of mine said "I'm not doing anything meaningful with my life because I'm afraid of failure."

I have to admit there is at least one major and one minor thing in my life that I'm not even attempting because I'm afraid of failure. I guess I can either start doing them or I can continue to let life slip safely by.

I know that at the end of my life I don't want to sum it up by saying well at least I was safe and never made a fool of myself.

How about you?

Passion

2011-03-10T06:09:00.000-08:00

Feeling starved for hope, passion for life, comfort and depleted of the joyful self you once knew are signs that the main breaker in your life has been shut off...think of it as losing power to the whole house instead of just blowing a fuse in the kitchen. It's a serious problem that's going to cause other problems throughout the whole house (in every area of life) until you restore the power.

The main energy "breaker" in the body is the root chakra, or muladhara chakra. I've also heard it described as the bass note in a symphony...without it, all the notes above it are thin and meaningless. With a good bass rhythm, though, the music of life can move you deeply.

A good way to restore power is simply to imagine yourself as a tree with roots growing deep into the earth. Imagine those roots growing bigger and thicker until you feel yourself standing as strong and tall as an ancient redwood. Since "muladhara" translates to something like "roots and wings", switch the image to that of a giant soaring bird with an immense wing span. The roots give us a feeling of safety and trust that allows us to enjoy the feeling of soaring. Without the roots, we feel afraid to be up so high and so unfettered. Without the wings, we just feel stuck.

Other practical ways to balance the root chakra involve connecting with the Earth: gardening, hiking, chilling out with an expansive view or anything that allows you to care for the planet. Adding a good bass groove helps.

There are still a few spots open in our workshop tonight where our theme is "Passionate Living". You don't need me or anyone else to throw the breaker for you, but it's powerful and fun to be in a room full of people with the same intention. Enjoy the music.

Quantum Choices

2011-03-08T05:55:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine told me about a theory that time is not a straight line, in fact the past and the present and the future are all happening at the same time. Assuming that's true, we can not only affect our present and future, we can affect our past.

I don't know about the physics of that but I do know it's true on some level. Every day we face two choices: we can say to ourselves this person did this to me therefore I am going to be mean, aggressive, emotionally shut-down, un-trusting, un-trustworthy, angry and similarly abusive or we can say I want to be happy - time to move on to better times and more loving people. I think as we concentrate on what is good and positive in our lives and as we visualize and welcome what we want for the present and the future, we absolutely can change our past.

If we end up changing our perception of the past, or at least breaking it's hold over us, we've effectively re-written history.

Two Nickels

2011-03-01T09:01:00.000-08:00

There's a story in the Great Book about a woman who gave two coins, all she had, and she was deeply blessed because of it. The rest of the characters in the story are wealthy and kind of get a "so what" even though they gave much more.

Why? Because the universe does not need us to do the bill paying or heavy lifting (or as Bono said "The God I believe in ain't short of cash, mister"). It / He / She just needs to see us giving what we can. Most of us, out of a need to hide our vulnerability, like to pretend that our daily best equals the very pinnacle of the very best day we ever had. This is crazy.

All of us have natural cycles of high and low mental, physical and spiritual energy. On those days when all you have are two nickels to rub together, mentally, physically or spiritually, just know that it's okay. More than okay, even. The smallest act with the biggest intention seems to return the most energy.

Outer Space

2011-02-22T06:55:00.000-08:00

Gonzo is a Weirdo. That's his class, order, family, genus and species and he's proud of it.

Ultimately, a big part of happiness is being who you are and doing what you love (and sharing it). Figuring out who we are and what we love to do is a constant and difficult journey. We have to consistently be aware of those little whispers and tugs that want to lead us in the right direction.

What a tragic waste, then, is every day, every hour that we spend being who we're not because we're pretending to be someone else in order to impress, or out of fear that the real us isn't good enough for someone else. Also in the tragic waste category is every day that we spend grasping onto something we don't love, just because it's familiar.

Listen

2011-02-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

Clare wanted a Teddy Ruxpin for Christmas. She had no problems asking Santa Claus for one because kids know what they want and how they feel and they have no shame about wanting or feeling anything. I love this about kids. My uncle got Clare a Teddy Ruxpin, but decided to play a little joke and pretend that Santa forgot it. All the presents were opened and there was no Teddy Ruxpin for Claire. Though she was only six, I watched her get very quiet and try not to cry. She was already learning to hide her feelings. Teddy came out and my uncle felt bad - and I think we all shared the same unspoken horror at how early kids start to stuff things down in order to not rock the boat.

'Listen to your heart' means 'listen to your feelings and intuitions and let them guide your decisions'. Just so you know, that advice usually makes people want to punch you in the throat because, just like Clare , they started learning around 4 or 5 or 6 to not feel what they're feeling because feeling hurts. And is sometimes scary. And sometimes it makes people mad. By the time we hit 20 or 30, we have no idea what we're feeling. This is why we don't know what sounds good for dinner. It's also why we all ask each other "what are you getting?" before ordering at a restaurant; we don't trust ourselves to know what sounds good and think that someone else might have hit upon a more superior selection. You know I'm right. I did it yesterday.

We never stop feeling the same things we felt when we were little... disappointment, fear, love, hate, anger, hope.... we feel those things in our sacral chakra, which is just below the belly button. (Sometimes people will say they have a "gut" reaction and this is what they're talking about. An emotion unfiltered by social experience.) Our eyebrow chakra, right in the middle of the forehead, listens to those feelings then uses life experiences (wisdom) to interpret out a decision. Somewhere in that process is an inner voice.

Over time we train ourselves to stop listening to it because there are so many voices telling us their ideas about what we should do, which usually has to do with what's best for them and not us.

I don't want to discount the Voice of God, because I believe this inner voice IS the Voice of God. If you get a burning bush - bully for you, but there hasn't been one in these parts since around 1273 BC. I believe we were created with a built-in Voice of God feature...we just disable the functionality as soon as we can find out where that stupid voice is coming from. (My dad used to pull the fuse on the seatbelt reminder buzzer as soon as he got a new car. Same concept.)

Put the fuse back in. If you can still hear the tiniest whisper of that inner voice, if you can feel the tiniest stirrings of gut reactions, you can begin to turn up their volumes.

Stuck

2011-02-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

Being stuck in a situation is really just because:

We haven't fully learned the life lesson that's being presented
We're afraid of the change needed / the new scenario
We need to let go of something (including emotions of guilt, shame or unforgiveness that can cause us to feel like we need to keep punishing ourselves or others)

What I know for sure is that we can manifest anything with the right intentions. I know for sure that we are here to experience joy and the fulfillment that living our soul's purpose brings. We are not here to suffer through year after year of guilt, debt, hateful relationships, soul-sucking jobs, illness and tedium. And in case you're from the same school I'm from, let me dispel an illusion: none of these things are God's Will. None of these things are karma.

If you are stuck in a cycle, feeling trapped in a situation that you don't like or doesn't bring out the best in you, consider that the situation hasn't changed because you are holding on to it...

Write down what you are holding on to and I bet you'll be able to separate truth from lies, identify where you need to pick up your courage and make a change and where you need to let go and move on.

The Corpse

2011-02-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

Jerro does Corpse. (Photo by Paul Kormorek)

Rest is a major component of creativity. Goethe solved problems best after a rest, Kekule understood the molecular structure just before falling asleep one night, Neils Bohr had a similar revelation about the universe and Einstein is famous for his resting "thought experiments" that eventually led to the theory of relativity.

In yoga we have Savasana, or Corpse pose, that happens at the end of every practice. In Corpse, we get as still as we can in body and mind and then...we just lay there. For fifteen minutes. Sometimes people leave class before Savasana because they see just laying there as a complete waste of time.

Savasana is not a treat. It is not a nap. It is a bona fide yoga pose, which means it has a very serious purpose. The purpose of Corpse is for the body, mind and spirit to absorb and process the work you've just done in the previous hour. Believe me, without it...your practice is pointless.

Vacations are Savasanas. Spontaneous days off are Savasanas. Pay attention to the rhythm of your life and when it's time for a rest, take it. It's all part of the practice.

Heaven

2011-01-31T07:01:00.000-08:00

I was in Roatan, Honduras last week where the poverty is of the medium-shocking sort. A local young guy, Edwin, was taking us out sea kayaking. He spoke halting English and we spoke halting Spanish but it turns out while I was feeling sorry for him, he was feeling sorry for me.

I have money and a nice house in a nice neighborhood and evidently I have lost my mind again and been hypnotized into believing I Am Winning.

To Edwin though, my lifestyle is horrifying:

"You don't have ocean?"

"No."

"No mangroves?"

"Nope."

Edwin whistles low and sorrowful because there are no words to express his sympathy.

"It's how cold there?"

"Well, yesterday it was 1 degree."

Edwin just blinks and shakes his head. His pity is almost palpable.

To cheer us up, he tells us about how he spends six months of the year with his father and brothers and friends on a remote island several hundred miles out to sea. They catch fish all day and talk about soccer and fishing all night. Later, he drives us by the nicest restaurant on the island. The nicest by far....it's a brand new Applebees. This is where Edwin watches the World Cup and eats chicken fingers with his mates. It's his version of Heaven.

Once I heard a minister say that if you don't have a relationship with the poor, you don't have a relationship with God. Once again, I realize that the relationship isn't about me helping them, because God doesn't need me to help them. He's got it covered. What he needs is for me to regain my sanity and realize that relationships and simple joys are the purpose of this life. This is the principle of Aparigraha in yoga, non-greed. It isn't that having money or nice things is bad, it's that if you are not extremely careful, it's dangerously distracting. I remember the saying that it's harder for a rich man to find heaven than it is for him to pass through the eye of a needle.

I think it's because we are so deluded about what Heaven is.

Angels

2011-01-19T06:28:00.000-08:00

"Everyone has an angel." Sarah said to me. "Before you go to sleep, just ask and you'll see them in your dreams."

I had nightmares so bad that I was afraid to go to sleep for a week.

"Oh yeah, they're really powerful. Ask them not to scare you." she said the next day.

When I got up the courage again, I tried it. I dreamed about a young surfer-looking kid flying beside me. He gave me the shaka wave and a big, goofy grin. It was totally sarcastic and I liked him immediately. I've dreamed about him regularly ever since.

Evidently my angel is a surfer.

I am a spiritual and metaphysical skeptic. I am Doubting Thomas. When something like that happens to me, or when I see proof of Chi in a cloud chamber, or see DNA vibrating at 250 megahertz for no prove-able reason, I believe. I believe in my angel.

However, I suspect that most days he makes sure I'm safely out of the shower without slipping and reminds me at breakfast that sticking the knife in the toaster is a bad idea, then makes sure I'm settled safely at the keyboard for a day of work before taking off to do something cool like watching wildlife or curling up near the cat. I have also suspected for a long time that he looks forward to yoga days just like I do. I've had this feeling that if we could see our angels with our eyes, we would see them gathered in the room, checking out the groove, laughing with us, whispering in our ears when we get quiet, and lighting up just like we do at the end when the Spirit descends and covers us all like a blanket.

Focus

2011-01-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

In yoga the "Dristi" is the place you focus your eyes, usually while you're in a balancing pose. The focus helps you balance. It also calms the nervous system.

Today my class was in a studio with a flat black ceiling and the lights were so dim I couldn't see the floor or walls well enough to find an anchor for my Tree pose. I was wobbly. What to do?

I invented one. I just imagined it was there and sort of squinted.

Suddenly, I felt free...I could make up a focus where there wasn't one. An interesting revelation in the middle of Winter, or a dry spell or a creative block.

Humble Crow

2011-01-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

In class this morning...everybody's beautiful and strong and cute and balancing in Peacock or Crane or something called Upside-down Twisted Chair and I'm in Child's pose trying not to throw up, which is where I've been most of the hour because I ate too close to class.

Even after all these years, yoga is humbling. I'm so glad. Cute and adept was never the point.

Colors

2011-01-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

Here's the thing about racism, ethnocentrism, stereotyping, judging and avoiding people who don't look or think like you do:

You're going to miss out on being friends with some really beautiful souls.

Poor.

Immigrant.

Middle-eastern.

Jewish.

Rebel.

Foreigner.

Conceived outside of marriage.

Friends with outsiders.

You know who I'm talking about?

Fast Happy

2011-01-06T07:34:00.000-08:00

If you want to change your life try this:

Bring to mind a situation that you feel negative about.
Now list all of the positive aspects of it.
Focus on those, don't let yourself go over what you don't like about it.

It's a law of the universe that what we put into the world, we get back. That includes vibrations. Change your vibrations to happiness, peace, delight and reckless hopefulness and happy things will be attracted to you. Things will come together in amazing ways.

If you're vibrating defeat, anger, anxiety, fear, stubbornness, greed or lack...you're going to get more of the same.

Success

2011-01-04T18:19:00.000-08:00

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes...

How will you measure this year? In pounds lost? Money made? Debt paid off? Promotions?

Or will you measure it in unconditional love for yourself? Laughing your head off with friends? Sunrises watched? Books read to your kids? Midnight glow-in-the-dark Frisbee games? Walks with your dog? Songs danced to? Connections with God?

It's the difference in getting through it and being excited about it.

Spinning

2011-01-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

Watching Sunrise Earth this morning - watching the sunlight creep up over the land and over the sea, illuminating the dark places, it occurred to me that the light is always there. It never stops shining, it never goes away. It's we who spin away from it and into darkness.

The Dark

2010-12-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I was touring St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle and I bought a postcard in the little shop.

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown and he replied - Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of GOD, that shall be to you better than a light and safer than a known way. "

Beta

2010-12-28T13:55:00.000-08:00

In the software world companies often release early versions of their products, called Betas. These versions always have bugs in them, known defects. People try out the product and send feedback and the engineers work out the bugs. This has always seemed crazy to me. I like to have everything perfectly planned out and tested before it goes live in the world. I have been learning that this is a good way to never, ever finish anything.

Ina Garten, the genius behind the original Barefoot Contessa, and my imaginary older sister, taught me a good lesson about Life Betas. Ina was slaving away at the Pentagon as a budget analyst...... .............................Sorry. I dozed off.

.....budget analyst when she took a spin out to Long Island to see a for-sale bakery called Barefoot Contessa. Her heart lit up, she made a recklessly low offer and to her horror they accepted. Suddenly she was in the cooking business with zero experience. She says she was terrified. She figured she'd at least have time to get to Ina 1.0 before she'd have to Beta herself as a cook. At first, she threw some terrible parties and avoided some near-disaster catering experiences, but she learned and evolved over time. Years later she sold the BC and now writes cookbooks and does her show on the Food Network.

If Ina had not been willing to learn, correct, tweak, grow, change directions and evaluate feedback she would still be stuck behind that desk in Washington. Cooking for Paul Newman aside, she would have missed letting her light shine.

She could have gone to cooking school, interned in Provence, gotten certificates and approval before she pursued her dream. Instead, she just went for it and worked it out as she went along.

In life, as in software, as in bakeries, sometimes you have to release the Beta version and work out the bugs later.

Happy Sutra

2010-12-23T12:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Sutra: 52 Surprising Ways to Get Happier

is ready for you as a FREE PDF download.

www.happysutra.org

Enjoy & don't be shy...share!

Thoreau

2010-12-21T06:57:00.000-08:00

Some Truths invoke the kind of feeling you get when you realize you didn't save that 7,000 page document you just spent all month working on. Some Truths can undo everything you thought was true so far. Some can undo what you thought was your life's work. Some truths cause you to abandon what you thought was happiness and go off on a completely unscheduled search for a deeper happiness - no hat, no stick, no pipe, not even a pocket handkerchief.

Here's one:

"Sustain yourself by the life you live, not by exchanging your life for money and living off that." - Henry David Thoreau

Oribiting

2010-12-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

I love movies set in the Victorian era simply because life went much slower then. Bread had to be made, letters had to be written and everyone said "my goodness" when something rude or shocking happened. Which, I think, is a nice change from "Holy *&%$!"

Look closely and you'll see a pair of Uggs on that sucker.

Anyway, I like those movies because you couldn't go any faster than a horse could trot. Most of the time I feel like I'm whizzing through time and space like a meteor. And going in circles too. (Orbit, circles, whatever.) And just in case I'm not going fast enough, technology follows me wherever I go, cracking the whip. Reminding me people are waiting on me.

In my experience, when we take enough time to figure out what we want and need deep down it usually lines up with what the Universe has in mind and things just start to happen. Enormous volumes of work are accomplished with little effort, people come out of the woodwork to help, miracles happen. The Chinese call this "do without doing".